It's Not Your Fault That You Had A Miscarriage

My husband and I had two perfect children, and we were excited to be able to have more. We then got pregnant, which made us really happy. I was so happy to be able to announce to my husband that he was going to be a daddy to a third kid. I told my parents; but then a little over a week later, I started bleeding. We checked my numbers and they started decreasing. I was devastated. I got pregnant the next month and again I was so excited! We once again got our hopes up, told both of our parents and were ecstatic. But at about 6 1/2 weeks I started bleeding- and once again, I lost the baby. I know having early miscarriages isn't as hard as losing a baby further along, but it was still tough.

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My husband and I got pregnant again a few months later, and I didn't tell anybody. I went to the doctor to make sure my numbers were increasing and that everything was looking good. It seemed like everything was looking healthy. I told my parents when I was about 7 weeks, and we told everybody else when I was about 12 weeks ago. A question that somebody asked me will forever haunt my thoughts: "Nicole, what are you going to do differently this time so that you don't have another miscarriage?" I responded by saying, "Nothing."

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There are many times when women have miscarriages for a valid reason. Sometimes they're lacking in something that makes it harder for babies to grow. But miscarriages are never your fault! I did nothing to cause my miscarriages- they just happened. It's not like I was on a massive amount of drugs that would cause them to not be able to grow in my body. It's not like I told my body to fail. That question was just ridiculous!

When I mention this to my doctor he said, "It's actually a miracle when pregnancy happens. The process really is amazing and many women deal with early miscarriages that they might not have ever noticed." He told me that the process of a sperm fertilizing an egg and then creating a baby is so precise that he's still surprised that women can even get pregnant. He then went on to tell me that so many women feel like they're failures when they have miscarriages despite never having done anything wrong.

Don't ever feel a sense of guilt if you have had a miscarriage. Don't ever feel like it is your fault. Don't call yourself a failure. You're amazing. Yes, miscarriages are hard- but you did absolutely nothing wrong to cause it.

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