Motherhood is probably one of the most amazing and fulfilling experiences women can have in their lives, but just because being a mom is great and wonderful, that doesn’t mean it can’t be super hard and difficult at times. It’s still definitely worth it, because seeing a child grow and flourish is an incomparable experience for a parent, but there are definitely parts of it that are not a mom’s favorite.
And today we decided to explore those more in-depth, because moms should be able to still complain about motherhood, and acknowledge all the annoying sides of it that they just really don't like. Besides, sometimes knowing that feeling a certain way isn’t so uncommon makes moms feel a lot more at ease, because in a way it justifies their feelings and therefore calms them down. So whether they can't stand the mess their child always leaves behind, the fact that they never get enough good sleep or just the constant worrying over whether their little pumpkin is fine, it’s okay; feeling that way is completely acceptable, and in fact, it’s very common.
So here they are, 20 reasons why being a mom is not a piece of cake, it’s actually quite hard.
20 Moms Have So Little Free Time
The days of having free time and deciding how to spend it are kind of over for moms, at least until their children grow up. And there’s especially little free time when the kids are small and don’t go to school yet, as they are pretty much a full time job. And let’s face it, not having much free time really does make motherhood hard. Of course some moms are very lucky and have families who help a lot, but even then, having free time almost makes them feel guilty. Suddenly, moms find themselves wondering whether they’ll ever have free time like they used to, or is that era totally over?
19 And Sacrifice Is Pretty Much Essential
But oh no, things don’t stop at having no free time, things get way harder. Moms are usually the ones in the family who end up sacrificing so much for their child. And don’t get us wrong, it’s not like they are complaining about it, they would willingly sacrifice anything for their little bundles of joy, but we can’t deny that sacrifice is another factor that makes motherhood difficult. Sometimes a mom would just like to be selfish for a minute and do something they really want and need. But as you can guess, they almost always don’t because the needs of their child are always a priority.
18 What Is Sleep Even?
If there’s one thing moms often complain about, it’s not having had enough sleep. Sleep was pretty much a pre-kids luxury, most moms wake up first in a family and go to bed last. And not to even mention napping. If a mom manages to somehow squeeze in a nap it’s like the best day of her life pretty much. But hey, they say sleeping is overrated anyway, so what are moms even complaining about right? Wrong, everyone needs sleep, and moms who do so much work throughout the day should be legally entitled to more sleep. Let’s start a petition!
17 Being Constantly Anxious About Your Child's Wellbeing Is Part Of It
Now a big part of what makes motherhood so difficult is the fact that moms worry so much. It’s just that seeing this fragile little being grow up and slowly explore the world, face obstacles and have bad days is not an easy thing for a mom to deal with. All that moms really want is for their children to be healthy and happy, but some days they are not and moms worry like crazy about that. Seriously, if there’s one category of people who unnecessarily worry in advance and pretty much always see the least favorable scenario happening, it’s mothers.
16 Some Days Moms Feel Like They Are Bad At All Of It
As we’ve mentioned so many times before, there are no perfect rules one has to follow and every family is always uniquely different. And of course it’s okay to have a bad day, even for mothers. And most of the time they’re having a bad day because they are having too much on their plate and they over-exhaust themselves. Being a mom is sometimes as hard as being a superhero, they always have to be ready for action, but on a bad day moms just feel like they are not doing a good job at all. And while everyone, regardless of whether they’re a mom or not has these bad days, it feels as if there’s a tiny bit more pressure on moms just because they have children who rely on them to always be happy and perfect. But they are not.
15 Spontaneous Nights Out Are A Thing Of The Past
A lot of moms are nostalgic about their pre-motherhood lifestyles. And honestly, can we blame them? Often they had to switch out heels and dance-floors for swollen feet and diaper changing. And well, as much as they love their kids, it is quite obvious which of the two is more fun. One thing that motherhood kind of completely kills is spontaneity. Yup, the days of having the gang over and then deciding to turn it into a fun night out with no curfew are definitely over. If a mom goes out, chances are she will be back home and in bed by 11pm, not even because she has too, but because she is too tired for the spontaneous lifestyle. And that kind of makes them sad.
14 Modern Times Make It Hard To Rely On Family Or Friends
Okay there are of course many pros of the modern society we live in, but one downside is that back in the days, families lived in the same village (or neighborhood, to make it slightly more modern), whereas now, families often live in different cities, countries, even on different continents. And not having a lot of family around, means the parents get quite a bit less help when it comes to their children, compared to back in the days. And while this is just a consequence of globalization and the world becoming a smaller place, it still undoubtedly made motherhood a notch harder than it used to be.
13 Every Mistake Feels 100 Times Worse Than It Is
Mothers are terrified of making mistakes, because now a mistake isn’t just something that they have to deal with, it can easily affect their child as well. But the thing is, moms are bound to make mistakes anyway because they are just humans after all. Those mistakes will hurt way more though, just because moms feel personally responsible for their child’s well-being (and they are), so once a mistake happens it cuts way deeper. And while everyone can still tell them it’s fine, and mistakes are part of life, it doesn’t really make a mother feel any less bad, because to her it feels like she on some level betrayed her child.
12 The Relationship With The Significant Other Can Go Downward
This is a quite common consequence of motherhood: the relationship with their partner changes, and not for the better. And while this is normal in the beginning, at some point the couple should try to get back to a healthier relationship. But this requires hard work from both sides, and often couples just get used to the current situation so they don’t even try to rekindle things. And of course, this has a huge impact on both of them, and it can make the moms feel sad, confused, angry, unattractive and miserable. It can even slowly lead to a separation, if neither side is doing anything to help the relationship.
11 And Balancing Work And Motherhood Can Be A Struggle Too
A lot of moms decide to keep working after they have a child, and why wouldn’t they? We have finally gotten to a point where stay-at-home moms aren’t as frequent, and more and more the role of parenting and bringing a child up is equally split between both parents. So if a mom wants (or needs) to keep working, she can. But that usually means she will struggle a lot with finding the balance between work and parenting, which is definitely not easy. The job can’t be neglected because of her child, but neither can the child because of her work.
10 Sometimes It Feels Like There's Nobody Who Understands
While most mothers usually deal with the same problems, they all still struggle and deal with them in their very own and unique ways. Which is why moms often feel like nobody understands them, and nobody can help them. But in reality that isn’t true, the hardest part for a mom is actually opening up to someone about her issues, and chances are, regardless of whether that’s the partner, a relative or a friend, they will understand and try to help on some level. A lot of times moms make things harder for themselves by not sharing how they feel, assuming no one would understand or care anyway, or that they would judge them.
9 Having Mommy Juice Is A Rare Occasion
The same way spontaneous nights out are pretty much a thing of the past, having some relaxing me time with a glass of mommy juice is kind of a rare occasion as well. And while some moms are okay with that and they pretty much quit it forever, others do occasionally crave it but just cannot find the time to indulge in some. But honestly, a glass here and there isn't usually considered such a bad thing, and it will probably take the mom’s edge off and make her a tiny bit more of a fun mom! So when you think about it, this outcome is kind of good for the child as well…
8 Complaining About Their Kid Is Considered Unacceptable
Every mom at some point of motherhood finds herself in a situation where she just can’t deal with her kid’s behavior or mood. That is completely normal, moms do love their kids, but that does not mean they can’t get annoyed with them. But society sort of makes it unacceptable for mothers to ever complain to someone about their children, which is actually a pretty stupid thing. If they talk to someone and get it out of their system, they might also be able to get some external input on how to deal with the child’s behavior, which can never hurt.
7 Keeping Track Of Kids' Needs Means Moms Neglect Their Own
A lot of times, because moms put their kids first, they also end up neglecting themselves. And a mom whose needs are never fulfilled can’t really be a good mom. In return she turns out more stressed, more annoyed and more fragile. Taking some time every now and then for their own needs is what all moms should do. Asking someone else to keep an eye on the child, even if that means paying a babysitter for a couple of hours to take a relaxing bath, is sometimes much cheaper, because at the end of the day a mom’s well-being is priceless as well.
6 Which Is Why Moms Sometimes Feel Like They've Lost Themselves
The first couple of years with a child are so exciting and new, but every mom at some point reaches a stage where she starts wondering how much motherhood actually changed her. And often it’s more positive than negative, as most mothers become more mature, calm and wise, but a lot of times mothers also feel like they have no more connection to the person they used to be before they had kids. They sort of feel like they lost themselves, their passions, their hobbies, even their spirit in a way. This is why self-care is so important for every mother, because a mother that is not satisfied with herself reflects that on her child.
5 There's No Perfect Guidebook To Follow
Often moms feel bad because they feel as if they’re not doing something according to the rules, thinking that they are way below a certain parenting standard. But truth is, there are no general rules, the only rule that is there is to make sure the child is as happy and as healthy as possible. Everything else is really irrelevant, which is a blessing and a curse at the same time. To some extent, having a perfect guide to follow would make things easier, but on the other hand it would also sort of get in the way of the freedom of following a mother’s instinct.
4 Kids Are Messy
All kids are messy when they’re young. And unfortunately some stay messy even when they grow a bit older. Either way, there’s always toys to put away, food stains to clean, and laundry to do. And this can drive moms bonkers, especially because it seems like a never-ending cycle, as soon as they tidy things up it gets messy again within a minute. The best way to deal with this is of course to teach the child to clean things up as early on as possible, but sometimes that just doesn’t work, and the mom ends up cleaning the child’s mess pretty much till they move out.
3 There's Always So Much Conflicting Advice
One thing that motherhood brings with itself is a bunch of conflicting advice from all sides. Your own mom will claim one thing, your mother-in-law another, your friends and relatives something completely different, and oh, don’t even let us get started on if you decide to look something up on the Internet… But the fact is different things work for different kids, which is why none of this advice should be taken too seriously. At the end of the day, a child’s parents should be able to figure out what the best thing for their kid is, regardless of any advice they get.
2 Friendships Are Hard To Maintain
The same way a romantic relationship with a partner can be affected because of motherhood, friendships tend to go south even more. Hey at least you see your partner every day, but friends, oh no, seeing friends now seems like an impossible mission. Back in the days everyone was always free, but now with children and work, figuring out a time that works for everyone is way too difficult, which is why most friendships end up going downhill after someone has a child. And sometimes that is okay, but sometimes making some extra time for a friend, even if that means inviting them over while you do things around the house can go a long way.
1 The Responsibility Can Be An Immense Burden
Lastly, a big reason why motherhood feels so difficult sometimes is the fact that moms feel this heavy burden of responsibility pretty much all the time. Especially when the child is young, I mean here is this human being that they are entirely responsible for keeping alive, healthy and happy. And while this burden lightens a bit the older the child gets, the fact is it probably never really goes away, even once the child is a grown-up. Moms just can’t help it, they feel responsible no matter what, and while that is a burden it is also a very unique and wonderful feeling at the same time.