Television personality Meghan Markle is opening up about her miscarriage. The View host describes it as a “horrendous experience” that she wouldn’t want to wish upon anyone else. In an op-ed for The New York Times, McCain says that she and her husband Ben Domenech were expecting a baby girl.

According to People Magazine, the daughter of the late senator John McCain says that she knew she was pregnant even before she formally found out the news. That’s because her body told her in ways that most women are familiar with. With that said, McCain also revealed that her body also gave her the same signals when she was miscarrying, too.

McCain also said that while she was pressured to have a baby when her father was battling his stage-four brain cancer, this pregnancy came unexpectedly. The moment she learned of her pregnancy, she began to plan her new life as a mother. However, when her miscarriage happened McCain says that she pinned the blame on herself, calling her body a “rock-strewn wasteland” which would make it hard for a baby to live.

She wrote, “I blamed myself. Perhaps it was wrong of me to choose to be a professional woman, working in a high-pressure, high-visibility, high-stress field, still bearing the burden of the recent loss of my father and facing on top of that the arrows that come with public life.”

If that weren’t enough, McCain, who is 34, also says that she couldn’t help but blame her age, her personality, and everything and anything that she could think of. She also says that what followed was a deep period of personal shame, something that she has never experienced before, despite all of the criticism that she gets from the public on almost a daily basis.

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Despite what happened, McCain says that she will always have love for her child and for all of the women who were also “briefly in the sisterhood of motherhood.”

The opinionated political host also added a sweet message for her father. Senator John McCain died of brain cancer at the age of 81 last August. She said that when her father passed, she took refuge in the hope that they would be reunited again one day. She concluded her piece by writing, “There is my father – and he is holding his granddaughter in his hands.”

McCain also shared a link to her op-ed on Twitter, encouraging her fans to share it with those who will be “helped by it.”