No matter where you are in life, a miscarriage is never easy. It doesn’t matter if you are pro-life or pro-choice if you were expecting to get pregnant, or if it was a surprise, there is still an aspect of mourning that comes with any loss. Many couples who are trying to have a baby get excited the second the pregnancy test comes back positive. They instantly start thinking about their future with that baby and might even start looking at names or shopping in the baby aisle.
Finding out that your life is about to change forever is a huge deal and a very emotional one as well. Nine months might seem like a long time, but when you are preparing for a baby to enter the world, there is a lot of planning that goes into that. Most people will say that the planning needs to start right away. However, there is a typical thought that you don’t announce or tell people you are pregnant in the beginning.
Most women and couples try to wait until they are past the first trimester before announcing, simply because miscarriages are more common in the beginning and it can be painful to tell everyone that you lost a baby. Unfortunately, some people have to go through this extremely difficult part of life, and in order to get through the miscarriage, they throw a party. The party can be for the parents, for the unborn baby, or simply a celebration of life. However, miscarriage parties have come to be controversial, and while there are some great reasons to have them, there are also reasons not to.
15 It Can Feel Like A Support Group
When you experience the loss of a baby, it can be very difficult to deal with. Many people want to be surrounded by people that are open to listening to your pain and offering advice. Not everyone feels comfortable opening up and talking about such personal issues, but throwing a miscarriage party can actually feel like therapy for some women and couples.
Imagine having a group of close friends and family coming over and celebrating the life of your unborn baby. You can cry with them and hopefully get some encouraging words as well. The goal at the end of the day is to come away from your miscarriage party and feel better. If it can provide healing and something to hold onto going forward that would be great. When there is trauma in anyone’s life, professionals will tell you that talking about it really does help.
14 It Will Give You Closure
Often times when someone you love dies, you need to have some sort of funeral or service in order to have closure and fully be able to move on with your life. There are very similar emotions that come when a miscarriage happens as well. It truly feels like a loved one died. That pain is so real for couples and if there is no memorable celebration it can linger endlessly.
A miscarriage party signifies the celebration of their unborn baby’s life, but also their death. It allows friends and family to recognize the miscarriage as an actual human life that was lost, and it makes the parents feel like they did their baby justice by celebrating them. Of course, miscarriage parties are not for everyone, but for those who need that mark in time to signify the loss and memory of your child, it can be the perfect form of closure.
13 The Miscarriage Will Feel Significant
For some weird reason, society likes to downplay miscarriages. Even my friends are extremely pro-life do this. When someone says they experienced a miscarriage, they ask how far along she was and if it was within 6 weeks, they seem to try and brush it off. People will say things like “it was early.” However, just because you lose your baby early doesn’t always make it any less painful.
When people try to or inadvertently make your miscarriage feel insignificant, it can be frustrating. It seems like people just don’t understand, but when you throw a miscarriage party if forces people to acknowledge the significance that baby had in your life. It is an outward representation of all of your emotions, and finally showing people that miscarriages are a big deal can bring a lot of healing into your life.
12 The Baby Won’t Be Forgotten
When miscarriages are just brushed under the rug or moved past so quickly, they can easily feel forgotten about. For most of my life, I didn't even remember that my mom had a miscarriage before my little brother was born. It just seems to be one of those weird topics that people don’t like to discuss that much. It isn’t that it’s taboo or anything, but it still makes people uncomfortable.
I think the fine line between talking and silence comes because strangers or even friends don’t really know how the couple who lost the baby feels. Some couples don’t want to think about it and simply want to move on and try for another baby. However, other couples are deeply affected by the loss of that child and by throwing a miscarriage party, it makes them feel like nobody could ever forget about that child.
11 It Is A Meaningful Memorial
It might seem weird to throw a memorial service for a less than 12-week old baby, but the loss of a life is the loss of a life. For the mother and father of that baby, it can feel like a devastating blow to their family and the growth that they were so excited for. Simply moving on and allowing everyone to forget about them just seems so unfair.
Some families even name the baby that they miscarried and by throwing a miscarriage party, it truly makes that child feel like a real, tangible person. Although they never got to live in this world, they existed in people’s hearts, and that is enough for some to want a memorial service. Of course, there are different kinds of miscarriage parties and some are more somber than others. However, they can both be extremely meaningful.
10 You Can Add To The Memory Box
Memory boxes are very precious, especially for that mom who loves keeping every little thing. For so many, pregnancy is one of the most exciting things that can happen to a family and once you take that first pregnancy test, everything after that becomes a memory and a keepsake. From pregnancy tests to ultrasounds, to the pregnancy announcement, it can all start snowballing very quickly.
Once a woman has a miscarriage, she can feel lost when it comes to the memory box that she already started for this baby that is no longer growing. The box can feel like her only lasting memories, however, when you throw a miscarriage party, you invite so many new memories into your box. People can write little notes to you or your baby and more pictures can be added to show that your baby’s life was celebrated. Although it might seem like a small gesture, the extra memories will last forever.
9 Others Will See The Importance Of Your Miscarriage
A miscarriage party is powerful. It shows others that you are embracing your story in life without shame or regret. It shows that you are sharing your struggles with the world and being vulnerable. Nobody knows how they would react to losing a baby until it is something they’ve actually had to deal with themselves. Some people don’t find it that difficult but others are very torn apart by the entire ordeal.
By throwing a miscarriage party, not only are you allowing yourself the opportunity to celebrate the life of your unborn child, but you are showing everyone around you that your baby may not have ever been born, but they were important to you and loved by you. Not everyone will understand, but most people will be supportive. Death is handled in many different ways, and those who are truly in your life for the right reasons will be there for you.
8 You Can Do It On Your Own Time
Often times, when someone you love dies, you hardly have any time to grieve and mourn before you have to start planning the funeral. You basically get a week before people are expecting a memorial service. For some, it can be hard to move on from the pain if there was never a celebration of life. However, many people are not in a great state of mind right after something traumatic like death happens in their life.
When it comes to throwing a miscarriage party, the great thing about them is that they can be on your own terms. Since miscarriages are slightly different than most other deaths, the normalcy of a funeral has not been established. Because of this, there is no societal pressure to begin planning your babies memorial. The mom and the dad can take the time that they need to process everything and choose to throw the party whenever they feel emotionally ready for it.
7 It Is The Only Parenting You Are Able To Do
As sad as it may be to realize, but all the plans that the parents had for their baby are no longer going to happen. The gender reveal party, the birth outfit, even the future birthday parties that would have been planned are gone. Parents who suffer through a miscarriage have to realize that all the plans they had with this person are not going to be a reality. These parents are not going to get the opportunity to parent.
This can be a very tough pill to swallow, especially if they are already attached to their child. However, the great thing about a miscarriage party is that it can feel like one first and final act of parenting. All the planning, picking up balloons, sending out invitations and picking up the food is apart of parenting. Although it will be emotional, at least the parents will feel like they get one day to actually do the parenting that they wanted so badly.
6 You Will Feel Love From Friends And Family
Miscarriage is hard, but it can be a little less painful when you are able to go through it with the support and love of your friends and family. When people who bring nothing but positivity into your life are helping you through tough situations, it can make them a lot more bearable. By throwing a miscarriage party and seeing so many loved ones come from all over to celebrate the life of your child with you, it can be overwhelming in such a good way.
An outpouring of kindness really does help heal a broken heart, but it also reminds you of all the good that there is in the world and in your life already. Sure, miscarriage sucks and it is painful and not anything wished for, but that does not mean that everything else in your life is terrible. Sometimes it takes parties and memories in order to reflect on life in general, and hopefully with that clarity comes peace and joy.
5 Society Will Judge You
There are negative side effects of most things that people do these days, and throwing a miscarriage party is no exception. Society is going to judge you for your choice to celebrate the life of a fetus. In this day and age, most people still don’t think that an unborn baby is equivalent to a full human being. With this mindset being so prominent, many people are going to think it is weird if a family is making such a big deal out of a miscarriage.
Of course, simply because society deems something taboo or socially unacceptable does not make it wrong, however, it definitely puts a damper on the whole party aspect of it. Parties are supposed to be happy, so people might question why you are happy about the miscarriage. In a time that is already painful, it can be too much to have society judging your decisions as well.
4 It Could Cause More Pain
Just like planning a party can be hard work, planning a funeral is even worse. Not only do you have all of the stress organizing everything, but on top of that, you have your grieving emotions. It can feel like torture to plan this big public party for everyone to come to. Why would you want so many people seeing you in your most vulnerable state? A miscarriage party can be very similar to this feeling, but even worse.
With a miscarriage party, not only are you planning a party because of a death, but you don’t even have a life to look back on and remember. You are mourning a death and a life that never got to be lived. The amount of pain that this could cause is so extreme that it almost seems like the party would not even be worth it.
3 Others Won’t Understand
It is hard to make other people see things the way you see them or feel things the way you feel them. You are absolutely entitled to your own emotions, but that does not mean that other people are going to agree, which can make things more difficult. It is wrong to force others to be on the same page as you. You can’t change people and that is the hardest lesson to learn sometimes. There may be five other women in your life who suffered a miscarriage and went to work the next day. They may have brushed it off like it was not a big deal and tried to move on with their lives.
Just because that was the best way for them does not mean it is wrong for you to feel differently, but can cause tension and disagreements. Some might think throwing a miscarriage party is stupid, or a waste of time and money. Of course, that does not mean you shouldn’t do it if you want to, but it would be wrong to assume others would understand where you're coming from.
2 Alcohol May Appear Inappropriate
You suffered a miscarriage. You lost a baby. Technically for a good portion of the year, you were supposed to be focusing on taking prenatal vitamins and staying as healthy as possible. Of course, all of this goes out the window when you suddenly find out that the growing human inside of you is no longer growing. It makes sense to want to throw a party, but the party was thought to be for the unborn baby.
It was supposed to be a celebration of the baby’s life. When people bring alcohol to a miscarriage party it simply feels inappropriate. When the women who were about to be a mom is all of a sudden getting drunk at her miscarriage party, it feels like she is trying to drown out her pain with alcohol. Or sometimes it can look even worse and give others the impression that she is happy she is no longer pregnant so she can enjoy alcohol again.
1 It Can Look Crazy
There is so much room for misinterpretation when it comes to miscarriage parties that they often don’t seem worth it at all. Some miscarriage parties don’t include balloons or streamers. They don’t have a backyard BBQ feel but instead are much more self-centered. Instead of celebrating the life of the baby, moms choose to celebrate themselves and their newfound freedom.
When you have a miscarriage, it is like starting over. You no longer have something that you are supposed to be responsible for the inside of you. This means that you can eat the seafood that used to be forbidden. You can eat the cold deli meats that pregnant women are told to stay away from. You can pig out on food that is clearly bad for your body and choose not to feel guilty because it’s only you that you’re hurting. However, this miscarriage party route looks a little crazy, and would likely be advised against.
Sources: Babble.com, Romper.com