Before I became a mom, I didn't put a huge priority on makeup and doing my hair. I mean, sometimes I really put the effort in - and the payoff was satisfying enough to justify it! I knew motherhood would keep me busy and would shift my priorities, but I - like every other mother ever - could not have anticipated how drastic those changes would become. As soon as my son was born, I quickly realized that I barely had the energy to shower, let alone curl my hair! Makeup in the morning became a distant memory. Heck, even eating breakfast or having a cup of coffee was now a huge achievement rather than a given.
Some moms seem to glide through these early years of parenting with ease. They shower daily, they find time to blow-dry and even curl their hair. Heck, some of them magically look better than they did before they became a parent! These moms...they don't inspire me. Well, maybe they do, in a way. But more often, I just feel like I can't keep up. It's a reflection of my own inadequacies, my own insecurities. In other words: "It's me, not you!"
On my best days, I wear my hot-mess-ness like a badge of honor. It seems fitting, to sort of float into the forgotten-ness of motherhood. Forgetting what it's like to be young and vibrant, forgetting what it's like to know a full night of peaceful sleep. Forgetting what it meant to be my own first priority. Forsaking pants with buttons and zippers for leggings and comfortable knits. Rocking dry shampoo like it's the coolest new hair trend.
When I make plans to be somewhere, I build in a extra fifteen minutes of lead time so I can ensure I won't be late. And still, I am late. I am always late. My children are usually crying or screaming or clinging to me. One of them might have drooled on my shirt and the other one probably has breakfast in their hair. Let's be honest, they probably both have breakfast in their hair. As a whole, we get a mix of looks. Sympathetic, from the experienced moms. Judging, from the people whose hair is in perfect order. Warm and kind - from the people that have walked this messy road before me and cherish the sweetness found here.
My anxiety makes me constantly worried about so many things, but mostly things I cannot control. Much of the time I feel like my very presence is a huge inconvenience to people. There's an ever-present feeling that I am in the way, mucking up the works, making everyone else roll their eyes at my incompetence. And so, on my not-so-good days, I despise this hot-mess-ness with which I live. On my worst days, my ineptitude makes me feel like I will never be anything more than tired, late, and frazzled. It certainly feels that I will never be the effortlessly pulled-together mom.
I forget that this time of early parenthood will soon be a memory. I forget that I am still worthy - even if I am tired, late, and frazzled. And so are you.
Are you a hot mess mom like me? Or do you have your crap together? Find me on Twitter @pi3sugarpi3 and share with me your favorite #HotMessMom picture!