Balancing a blended family can be difficult, but one woman has but thrown in the reigns after she cancelled her stepdaughter’s weekly visits because things were getting too hectic.
The woman took to Mumsnet to anonymously revealed her situation. She and her partner are currently expecting their first child together, which will be due in October. She already has two daughters, ages 2 and 5, from a previous relationship, while her husband also has a 2-year old daughter.
Interestingly enough, the husband’s ex-wife (aka. the mother of his daughter) is also pregnant and is planning to have a C-section. This prompted the stepmom to agree to take the girl every weekend to give her mom time to recover. However, it seems like this pregnant mama took on too much at once since she began regretting her offer.
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If only I had a dollar for every time I get the question “are these children ALL yours?!” - well, I’d be rich. But that’s not the point. It’s quite evident that this dark hair, fair + freckled skin, bright blue-eyed beautiful girl is not technically from my body, but every time I get asked this question, my heart tells me no other answer other than an immediate ‘Yes’ because I love this sweet girl no differently than the other three who I birthed. Being a stepmom is so often a frowned upon title; you have a child that truly isn’t “yours” and you’re likely compared and never able to reach the same VIP status as their real mom, so all to often, people stop trying. But then you have those moments when they let you in little by little, where they want you to be the one to pick them up from school, where they want you to help them pick their outfit that ironically matches yours, where they ask for a girls only day and sneak you little notes that say “you’re the best stepmom I could ever ask for.” Those are the moments you hold onto and realize that while it isn’t always the easiest job, they know that they are loved without limitations by you, just as you are by them. The point is truly this: if you’re a stepmom, love your step children. Love them like you would love a child that is truly “yours” because not only do they see and feel it, but eventually, they learn to love you as their own, too. It’s been an absolute privilege and blessing to be a part of this spunky girls life since she was just a four year old, Frozen singing little peanut. It’s even more of a blessing to know I get to continue to watch her grow into such an amazing human being every year. Happy Birthday Ire-June/September! #stepmom #mixedfamily #nolimits #family #birthdaygirl
"I'm a little peeved as that means we will have three children and a new baby in this two-bedroom house every weekend whilst I'm also trying to recover and get the new baby settled into a routine,” she explained in the post.
Although she usually loves having her stepdaughter over, the woman said it’s become too much with her pregnancy. “When the girls are all together, they get excited, everything becomes hectic and getting them to bed is a nightmare,” she wrote.
Since her daughters’ father has no contact with them, she says the weekends are the only time for them to hang out as a family unit. It seems she feels that her stepdaughter breaks that family dynamic. "The weekend we don't have all the kids together is my only respite and things are just a bit calmer,” the expectant mother explained.
She added,"I have no issue having his daughter every single weekend any other time but I just feel like whilst I'm also trying to recover and settle a routine for myself and the new baby it's just too much to do then."
Her husband is understandably upset that his wife wants to prevent his daughter from coming over on the weekends. Her solution? She suggested he sleepover at his parents’ house with his daughter, but he still seems resistant. "I've suggested on the weekends he isn't meant to have his daughter then he could stay at this parents house with her but he's not best pleased,” she wrote.
Understandably, the woman’s post has sparked a fierce debate on the online forum. Many commenters scolded the pregnant woman and said she should treat her stepdaughter as one of her own.
It’s not fair that her kids live with her and her husband full-time but that she wants to exclude his child. That will only breed confusion and resentment amongst the kids.
"I think you are being a bit unreasonable. Your home is her home and it's kind of your partner to suggest it though maybe you should have cleared it through first,” one person commented. Another person said, "You have chosen to have a child with someone who already has a child, nobody forced you to make this decision. Your partner should want to help her mum out and spend more time.”
What do you think BabyGaga readers? Is this woman in the right or should she make more of an effort to include her stepdaughter? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!