It's been hard to find time to do the things I love. Much of my time is spent pouring myself into my family or work. I can't always balance the maternal part of me with the still-a-person part of me. My eyebrows should be testament that I rarely ever get time to just go do something - just for me. Just because it gives me pleasure.
Fun fact about me: I'm a bit of a true crime addict. But my obsession with true crime isn't weird or scary - it's actually pretty common. Check out some of the biggest hits in pop culture in recent years: The People v OJ Simpson; Making a Murderer; I, Tonya. I even spoiled myself by sneaking out to watch I, Tonya during my maternity leave the night it premiered.
There's something about true crime that intrigues me. I probably think that if I can imagine every possible scenario and prepare for it, I'll be safer and less likely to be a victim. My addiction runs so deep that it creeps out my in-laws, and sometimes even my husband. I routinely fall asleep listening to episodes of My Favorite Murder (#SSDGM) or Snapped. Stephen will come to bed and hear a narrator casually murmur, "It wasn't until Marcy's neighbors noticed the distinct smell of death that they suspected her mangled body lay behind the locked front door." He shudders, turns off the podcast, and decides the couch might be a safer option.
As a little girl, I remember watching the Kerrigan/Harding drama unfold in front of my eyes. I was obsessed with figure skating and had posters of Kristi Yamaguchi on my wall. Even though I was only 6, I understood that there was intrigue and a question of guilt hung in the balance. I didn't understand the magnitude of destroying another person's knee. Girl. That's rough.
I, Tonya was deliciously gossipy and scandalous. When I walked out of that theater, I wanted to call my sister and spill all the details so I could have someone I could speculate with! Margot Robbie has won me over as a fangirl since I saw her in The Wolf of Wall Street, so I really enjoyed watching her transformation into a broke and broken Harding. Allison Janney was so dead-on it was scary, honestly. My heart broke to watch this tiny girl get backed into so many corners - to see the circumstances of her life dictate her limitations.
Don't let me go on for hours about it - or, come over and bring some wine and let's do just that! The movie itself isn't the point. It's the "going to it" part that was the real winner of the evening.
What I didn't tell you was that, earlier that evening, I had to ask a group of friends if I should go see the movie. You know, by myself, just because I wanted to. Stephen was fully capable of watching the kids by himself - I'd only be about ten minutes from home, anyway. But the mom guilt is SO REAL! It's not just ok for me to do this little thing for myself - it's good for me! And what's good for me is ultimately what's good for my children and my husband, too.
Read that again: a group of around a dozen women had to tell me to take the mommy movie night and run with it. Don't be like me. When you see the moment, take it. You know what's helped me? Something almost embarrassingly simple. I ask people to tell me to do the thing. I need just a push, and other people who support and love you will provide it. Take yourself out, mama. Do it for you.
When was the last time you gave yourself or a mommy movie night? Or do you "treat yo'self" another way? How have you gotten past the mom guilt? Please tell me. I'd really like to know the secret. @pi3sugarpi3