Being a first-time mom is rough. If you are like me, you were probably underprepared no matter how many books you read, experienced moms you talked to and online forums you visited. I recall my cousin who is a nurse telling me not to obsess with my baby's milestones. I had just given birth so her advice didn't really register with me at the time but soon enough, I found myself reading about baby's milestones religiously. I can't tell you how many nights I spent awake on Google trying to figure out if my baby was developing normally or showing signs of possible mental and physical limitations.
I think part of the obsession for me at least was the worrying about the unknown. I wanted to make sure if my daughter was having delays that I caught it in time to seek help. I didn't want to be a parent that didn't notice something was wrong with their child until it was too late.
But I am not alone in this. Plenty of moms monitor their babies closely and use the milestone guide as an indicator of when to contact their physician or at the very least use it to know what kind of questions they should ask their pediatrician. While this might seem innocent, this can trigger anxiety in parents and add unnecessary pressure to their tots.
"It's a natural response. Milestones are a way your pediatrician measures the developmental progression of your child. It may tell us if a child is delayed overall or it may show us a specific area where we need to focus on improving. Certain specific milestone delays may even lead us to look for other signs of certain illnesses or conditions," says Dr. Jay Lovenheim, D.O., F.A.A.P. of Lovenheim Pediatrics in West Orange, NJ. He explained to BabyGaga what developmental milestones should be used and how parents can safely use them as guides for their babies.
"We recommend parents use milestone guides as something to help them see what types of skills their child should be in the process of developing. It is also something to help them set realistic expectations for where their child should be developing. Milestone guides can also be a great way to help with “babyproofing” the household. Knowing what skills a child will develop soon, can help prevent common childhood injuries," Lovenheim confirmed.
It's ok if your baby isn't reaching each milestone in the time that the milestone guides list and comparing your baby to others does a disservice to you and your baby. "The most important thing for parents to understand is that each milestone age is the average age a child reaches that skill. Some will achieve it earlier and some may take a little more time to obtain that skill. Some of the more important milestones can be the ones that are necessary to reach another milestone," confirms Lovenheim.
Pushing your baby to complete milestones before they are ready to do so can cause stress on your baby and make reaching that milestone more difficult which in turn can cause an even greater delay. "There are times where we do see parents pushing a child to obtain a milestone that may be too soon for them to develop without causing undue stress on the child. Most of these instances are unintentional by the parent. The amazing part about children is how resilient they are and with some minor parenting tweaks, we can get everyone back on a less stressful path," Lovenheim confirms regarding rushing milestones.
Listen, moms and dads, you are doing a great job raising your little one. It's ok if your baby isn't walking by their first birthday or belting out 'mama' and 'dada' right away. If your baby is is happy and they are interacting with you that is all that matters for the time being. Yes, there are some milestones that are more important than others and if you feel something is truly wrong, contact your pediatrician immediately. If it's something minor, just praise your little one for the milestones they have reached so far. That encouragement goes a long way!
Source: Lovenheim Pediatrics