I became a mother in my twenties. When my son was born, I was 28 years old. My daughter was born just before I turned 30. And then, on my thirtieth birthday, something happened. I smashed The Patriarchy. No, for real: I bought a cake with the word Patriarchy written on it and I smashed it. It was glorious. In a way, that liberating cake smash became a symbol of transition in my life. Being a mother in your twenties is a whole lot of fun; so is being a mom in your thirties! In reality, moms on either side of the 30-line have more in common than they don't. (And yes, I'm going to be making some generalizations here. No two people are the same in this world, I know. Just roll with me.)
Mothers In Their Twenties Have Easier Pregnancies
Here's the trick of the female reproductive system: you can technically have a baby in your tweens (or whenever you start your period). It's pretty common for women to spend more than the first ten years of their fertility trying to prevent pregnancy! In some sort of demented joke, women's bodies bear babies with more ease in their younger years. The older you get, the harder a pregnancy physically is. That notorious "bounce back after baby"? It's easier to achieve for younger moms.
Mothers In Their Thirties Have More Confidence
A dear friend of mine told me that when women turn 30, their throat chakra opens. Look, hear me out. The throat chakra represents one's ability to know themselves and speak their mind. In other words, women in their thirties tend to feel more comfortable with who they are and with standing up for themselves. This self-confidence translates into every area of their life, including their work as mothers. Personally, I'm not sure if it's turning 30 that has made me feel more secure in my parenting skills. More likely I have more confidence because I have some experience this time around. Regardless, it's true. The more life experience you have, the less likely you are to be shaken in the face of doubt.
RELATED: Pregnant at 31: Why Things Are Different
Mothers In Their Twenties Have More Energy To Chase Toddlers (And Grandkids)
My friend JD is a few years younger than I am - she had both of her babies in her twenties. When I asked her what she felt was different about having kids at a younger age, she said:
"You’ll be able to enjoy your grandkids without a hundred health issues."
I hate to admit this: she's right. If I could have had my children years earlier, I would have. My own father was 42 when I was born. By the time I hit high school, he was already too old to keep up with my energy. That experience helped me understand why people choose to have kids in their twenties even though waiting until their thirties usually secures more financial stability. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having kids later in life! Choosing to have kids earlier or later is just a balance of pros and cons. In this case, one of the cons is being older when your kids have their own kids.
Mothers In Their Thirties Don't Give A Crap About Our Opinions
Maybe this seems like just another way to say moms in their thirties are confident, but I think it goes beyond that. I remember my twenties - hey, it's not like it was that long ago! Too much of my time was spent caring what others thought or trying to fulfill an image that I felt would "look right" to others. Even if I said I didn't care, my self-perception was really dependent on what my friends, family, and even strangers thought of me. Growing older means I've grown more independent. Literally, I'm less reliant on others financially and emotionally. "Adulting" means handling your business even when it's rough. Anyone who has successfully launched into self-sufficiency is no longer tied to the expectations of others. Since women in their thirties are more likely to have established themselves as fully independent, they're not beholden to the expectations of others.
You know what else is different between momming in your twenties and momming in your thirties? Not much. We all lose sleep, cry for our children's hardships, celebrate their victories. Every single one of us is being run through the emotional wringer that is motherhood. Whether you choose to have kids at 20 or 39, you're joining a long line of strong individuals who are trying their best. This mom-gig is NOT a competition. You'll find benefits and drawbacks no matter when you decide to have kids. Take heart - no matter when you became a mom, you're certainly far from alone.