I am a member of several Facebook groups for moms. I love groups that are specific for moms and that encourage moms through the journey of motherhood. One of the groups that I belong to is called September 2019 Babies. It is such a fun group because we were all due in September and we got to follow each other through pregnancy and now we all have babies around the same age. Each mom is in a different point in their relationships, their financial situations, and many of them are first time moms (FTM). It is really cool to see different perspectives and the group has been really nice and there isn't judgement (which is actually very difficult to come across). The other day I read a mother who posted something on the group that was very real and all so common. She wrote, "I hate my kid today. Which makes me hate myself even more. 😩" The mother was not attacked or berated. She was left with a few encouraging comments of mothers feeling the same way.
Being a mother is just so very difficult. Being a FTM is so hard I remember going through a devastating change when I became a mother for the first time. I know that this mother doesn't actually "hate" her child, because she would do anything for her baby! However, motherhood is often not as wonderful as you thought it was going to be. Once you experience the reality of being a mother you often go through resentment toward your child for ruining the fantasy of being parent. You might even go through a touch change even if you are not a FTM.
When I had my first child I was so in love with him. He was everything that was perfect in the world. I just remember being so tired one day and I was so depressed. I was broken inside and out. I remember texting my husband and said, "I understand why moms shake babies!" I was so frustrated. I wasn't actually going to harm my baby. I didn't actually hate my son. I would have killed anybody who caused harm to him, but your mental health takes a hard hit. I definitely thought there was something wrong with me when I would just long for my son to go back inside my stomach. I thought that I was the only one who felt like that. Now that I am a mother of four perfect children and I have talked with other mothers, I realize how common that way of thinking really is in new mothers.
It is okay to be frustrated with your children and to be bothered by them. I want to tell the mom who said she "hates" her child, you are not alone. I know you would kill for your baby and you love your child so much. I know that you are tired, sad, frustrated, and all of the other difficult emotions that come with being a mother. It is really hard to be in a relationship where somebody demands so much from you and gives nothing in return and that is exactly what it is like to have a baby. Don't hate yourself mama, you are doing great! It is important to note that you need to call for help right away if you want to harm yourself or your baby!