It was such a bad day.  There are good days of motherhood and there are bad days of motherhood. That was a bad day. A day filled with coughing, sneezing, and even kids throwing up. I was cleaning up messes, dealing with a teething baby, and trying to keep my head above water. I felt like I was drowning. I didn't want to ask for help because my kids were so sick and I didn't want anybody to be victims to that. The night before we spent in the hospital because we were certain my 5-year-old broken his fingers after it getting slammed in the door (thankfully that wasn't the case). I was tired. I needed just a moment.

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My husband came home and I looked at him with just desperation. He could tell I was defeated. He could tell that his wife was breaking. He saw my need for isolation from responsibilities and so he sent me on my way. I got in the car with my bag and drove to Target. I took a deep breath as I saw that familiar red symbol through the night sky and a smile crossed my face. I got the overwhelming thought, "everything is going to be okay." Now, I know people are going to laugh at me on that one and they might assume that I am just obsessed with Target. It had nothing to do with Target. It had everything to do with me being able to get out and be a person.

Being a mother is really hard. I sometimes forget that people are still enjoying their carefree lives. I do enjoy my life, but it's not carefree. The other day we were driving home really late (10:00 ish) and we saw a ton of people driving around on the streets. My husband and I both said, "what are all of these people doing?" We forget that at one point in our lives we were driving around at that time too. The world keeps on moving even though as parent it often feels like it is standing still.

When I pulled up to Target I felt like I was a person for just a moment. It was the first time that I didn't have my baby with me since she was born. Women get lost in motherhood very easily. I never put myself first and I always have to think about how my actions and decisions affect other people. When I was in college I kept telling my mother that I really wanted to get married and have a baby. She kept telling me, "don't be in a rush. This is your only time to be selfish." I never fully understood what she meant until I became a mother. Now, sometimes I long for those moments that I could just think about myself.

I walked into Target not really looking for anything in particular. I walked in and saw a lot of young adults joking around in the aisles. I saw young women shopping with their girlfriends and looking at the new fashion trends. I saw young men joking around with one another as they walked past the electronics. It was a moment where I finally felt like I was part of the world again.

I was gone for only an hour. I spent more time driving than I actually spent in Target, but that was seriously all I needed. I went back home feeling like a brand new woman. I didn't need a weeks vacation, I didn't need to be gone for hours, I didn't need to spend a million dollars, I just needed an hour. I told my husband that it was the most amazing hour. An hour where I could have done anything. An hour where I didn't have to worry about tantrums, potty breaks, fighting, serving somebody and being asked for things. I didn't have to worry about entertaining somebody or wondering if somebody is judging my parenting. It was amazing.

We decided together that once a week I get to leave all of the kids behind for just a break. A break from responsibilities and mothering duties. A break from my job and any obligations. It is so important for SAHM to feel like they are humans. It is so important that we get out and be part of the world. It is so important for us to be selfish every once in a while.

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