New Positive Parenting Method Deepens Bonds With Children

Times are changing and so are the methods of parenting. Positive parenting is one of the best solutions to put an end to the draining power struggles with your kids, and help you to bond better with them.

Rebecca Eanes, the author of "Positive Parenting — An Essential Guide," says, "Positive parenting is a philosophy rooted in connection. It isn't a method of discipline, but an entirely different way of relating to children that allows us to maintain a strong relationship with them through the ages and stages of childhood while still raising kind and responsible people."

When a child doesn’t listen to you, it’s not because they want to disobey you. Instead, it’s because of some reasoning that they have, which we fail to understand. So, it’s crucial that we start dealing with them as individuals and give them the chance to have a voice. You cannot control your child’s attitude forever, so why not start explaining to them the difference between right and wrong from the beginning?

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Following on from yesterday's post on Positive Parenting.. here is the final part! ⁣⁣ 3. Let your child choose the consequence⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ I don't mean they get to choose between going to bed early or losing the iPad. Those are punishments. I mean putting the responsibility on the child to right her wrong and empowering her to make amends. This helps children focus on how their behavior affects themselves and others. For example, a solutions-oriented discussion about how she called her sister a hurtful name might include three possibilities: writing a sorry note, a verbal apology or choosing to do something nice for her sister that day. Whichever option she chooses is going to be more valuable than a 5-minute time-out.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ 4. Set up a calm-down area in your home filled with pleasant and engaging items for your child.⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ My calm-down area had a few pillows, a blanket, a box of coloring books with crayons and a calm-down glitter jar. Yours might include books, stuffed animals, stress balls or stickers. Teach your child to go to this space when he's feeling frustrated, angry or upset. You can go with him the first few times if he needs, but I've found that most kids will start to go to the calming space by themselves as they really enjoy it. This is a great solution for teaching self-regulation.⁣ ⁣ 5. The peace table is a Montessori method of conflict resolution.⁣ ⁣ If you don't have a small table, use a rug. Each child gets a chance to state their case and the parent walks them through to a peaceful resolution and then sees that it is carried through. Typically, a feather or some other object is used. When one child holds the feather, it means it is their turn to talk and the other(s) must listen. Then they pass the feather. After a few practices, my children were able to work through their own disagreements without assistance. 📷 @claireesling

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Some of the positive parenting techniques that can help you and your child are:

Cause and effect

Your child might not be grown up enough to understand the consequences of all their acts. So, explain it to them. Suppose your child hits someone, tell them that they have hurt their friend and should help them feel better. When you stop your child moving on from a specific activity, explain the 'why' behind it.

Listen to your child

Children also have opinions, and when you respect them, they feel valued. So, give them a chance to speak, and let them explain themselves. Kids under three years of age usually don't have the capacity to reason. So, first, try to explain it to them and then use distraction techniques.

Eye to eye contact

You must know that to prove your point to another adult, it is vital to have eye-to-eye contact. It is no different when it comes to dealing with your child. Physically, get down to their eye level. When you speak to your child by making direct eye contact, you show compassion, sincerity and respect.

Treat them as individuals

Do not assume that your child is too young to understand. If you can explain in age-appropriate language, they will surely follow. If you are speaking to a three year old about the danger of candies, use short sentences and take pauses to enable them to grasp your words.

Use time-in instead of time-out

Instead of the age-old technique of time-out, bring your child close to you when you find things moving out of your control. Do not seclude them, but try to console them; let them cry in your lap and not alone in a corner. This will strengthen their trust in you. Also, rephrase your 'do not; with 'do' and 'no' with 'yes.' Instead of saying: 'Don't jump on the sofa,' try saying 'yes, you can jump around when we are in the garden,' or 'please sit on the sofa.'

RELATED: Time Outs Are Timed Out, The CPS Rules Positive Parenting Is In

Look at your attitude

Children learn more from what they see than what you say. So, you need to keep a positive attitude. On their first day of school, you cannot express your apprehension if you want the process to be smooth for them. Also, try keeping your word. Children have a sharp memory, and if they find you faltering on your words, they will follow your example

Positive parenting is all about sharing mutual respect with your child. Initially, it might be challenging to implement some of the positive parenting techniques, but with patience, your child will understand and reciprocate.

NEXT: 12 Ways To Teach Your Child Emotional Intelligence

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