You walk into school in the morning, hair a mess, pajamas on, to drop off your child for the day. You get to their class, give them a kiss, and send them on their way. After a moment, you stop, look down, and feel a tugging at your leg.
”Mommy... You forgot to sign my sheet today.”
This is the norm. It doesn’t make you a bad mom, but maybe a bit scatterbrained? Yeah, scatterbrained is a good word for it. You’re late, showering is a luxury, and you’re a bit lazy, but, that’s ok! We’re all a bit lazy sometimes! Being a hot mess means that you don’t stress the little things as much! In fact, sometimes you don’t stress them at all.
18 I’m LATE!
It happens all the time, you’re reading a book, an article, or you’re just busy on Facebook, admit it, and you look down... “Where’d the time go?! Quick, find Mommy’s keys! Grab your shoes, just carry them we’ll put them on in the car! We have a 15 minute grace period, right?? Come on, come on, I’ll get you some fries while we’re out!!”
You’re frantic, rushing, and frazzled, and you’re just never able to make it out on time! You do try, you really do, but for whatever reason punctuality is not your strong point.
17 Oh, Where’s My Phone?
You look under the sofa, you look on the counter, on the table, on the bed. You just can’t find your phone anywhere!
It’s keys, socks, shoes, makeup, you name it, you lose it. It’s like tiny people are coming out and taking your things from you, one thing after another, and moving them, watching you hunt for them, and laughing at you from their tiny homes...
16 I Don’t Feel Like Washing a Glass...
You’re thirsty, and you go into the kitchen, look up at the cabinet, and you stare at it for a moment. Then, after snorting in amusement, you go to the fridge and grab the bottle you were after, because who wants to waste a glass for the last bit of the orange juice anyhow? Same thing goes for the last bit of Ice Cream in the container, or the last bite of leftovers. Who needs a bowl anyhow? Not me! Just give me the almost empty container, and a spoon, and I am golden!
15 Ew, that Coffee Is Gross! Oh...
Oh MAN...”, you say to yourself as you stretch in the morning and try and get your bearings. Yawning, you walk to the coffeepot, and sigh in relief. Awesome, you thought you had forgotten to set the pot to brew this morning! You happily pour a cup, and take a sip, then you make a face.
Oh. Well that’s why there’s coffee in the pot. It’s from yesterday. You forgot to not only set up the pot to brew, but you forgot to wash out the coffeepot, too. A barista, you most definitely are not. Oh well, it could be worse, right?
14 Oh, Man... Today Was Picture Day?
Oh how awesome! You had forgotten Spring Pictures were coming up, but that’s ok right? You never send them to school looking too rough! And then you get that picture packet back, and, well... Ok, peanut butter and jelly looks good on him, at least! You’re not the first to send your little one to school for picture day in a stained shirt, or with leftover breakfast on their cheek, and you certainly won’t be the last. At least the pictures are still cute, right?
13 Shower? What’s That?
The last time I showered? Well, I walked out in the rain yesterday, does that count? You don’t smell god awful, but trying to fit a shower in your busy day just isn’t happening. You’ve resorted, on many an occasion, to grabbing baby wipes instead, and just giving your problem areas a quick wipe with a baby wipe, and hitting them with deodorant. That works, right? And shaving? Ha ha, forget that, if you barely have time to shower, when are you supposed to fit shaving in there?
12 That Was Due When, Exactly?
Picture this. You’re in the car, getting ready to drop your kiddo off at school, when from the back seat, you hear, “Oh yeah, mom did you remember to pack my field trip money?” Uhhh, what? I thought that was due next week.
That’s the thought process going through your head right now as you start swearing to yourself and rifling in your purse, digging out a twenty at the last minute to hand to your child right before the door opens and the teacher lets them out. You wave goodbye, then you start muttering to yourself that next time, you’re going to set a calendar alarm on your phone or something. Fingers crossed.
11 Bake Sale? Oh...
Baking? How in the world do you do that much baking? No, see, when there’s a bake sale, you don’t break out some family tradition cook book, and start whipping up delicious, made from scratch goodies. Oh no.
See, when there’s a bake sale, what you decide to do, is run to the store, buy a bunch of baked goods from the grocery store’s bakery section, and start re-plating them, because, well, no one will know anyhow. And it all goes to the same place in the end!
10 What IS That Stain?
As you walk in the mall, pushing your baby along, you happen to glance down, and see a big, oblong, and fresh looking stain. What IS that? You don’t remember dropping anything yellowish on you. Is it baby spit up, or is it strained peaches? Maybe it’s ice cream? As you lean down to sniff it, you realize, you’re not pinpointing it by smell alone. So you give it a quick, fast lick. Oh. Peaches. Well, that’s a relief, you can figure out a way to get that out.
9 Morning Drop Off? Psh... Who Needs to Get Dressed?
As you sit in the car, radio on, listening to whatever morning show you listen to when you go to do morning drop off, you take a sip of your cold coffee and sigh a bit. “Mom, can you walk me in,”you hear from the back seat.
Well, this is a rarity, but you have to say no, because, well... “I would, but I’m not dressed to walk you in, ” you say, as you point to your sleep shirt and pajama pants. I mean, no one was going to see you anyhow, so who cares if you’re in your PJ’s to drop off your precious cargo? Do jeans make you a better driver or something? I’m going to go with no.
8 Bedtime? Psh, Who Needs Pajamas?
After a long, tiring day out, you get home, and start getting your little ones into bed. As they go for the pajama drawer, your mind pictures heaps of laundry, already waiting to get done...and you stop them. “Hey, guys, let’s just wear our t-shirts from today to bed! You don’t need ‘jammas today,” you say, as they get into bed.
And as for you, well, what works for them, works for you. Who needs to change clothes anyhow? Not you! It’s not about what you wear, but the precious sleep you get!
7 That Picture Came Out Gre-... Oh...
You are the queen of the Momtography club! You are outside snapping shot after shot after shot, the little, perfect apple of your eye, your focus as you get the perfect shot. And as you review all of your hard work, you look at your phone and; Oh. Dirt in the hair, or crumbs on the face. You never even noticed. It’s not like a little dirt is going to kill anyone, but... Man you thought you had that pic down pat...now where are those baby wipes...
6 Company? Oh Rats...
So, out of the blue while you’re finally resting after doing a ton of laundry and chasing a drool soaked toddler around the house, you get a call. Aw, hi mom! You talk for a while, then she says the words you’re dreading.
“Oh, I’m just out shopping. I’m going to come by for a few!” You cringe as you say, "That’s fine," because...you have to...then you look around the house. You are not company ready at all! You leap up, and you start frantically shoving things in corners and closets to make an appearance of clean. It’s not home unless it looks lived in, right?
5 It’s 5 o’clock Somewhere...
Ah, noon. That time of day where lunch happens, and then nap time. At least, in a perfect world, that’s how it goes. For everyone else, though, not so much. For you, that’s when you pop open the Arbor Mist and start sipping, because between the yelling that your kids have done for the last 45 minutes and the fact that they aren’t listening now, you’ve pulled out the wine and are now indulging in a little bit of alcohol. Technically, it’s 5 o’clock somewhere, right?
4 Other Adults!!
Your social life has now become limited to deciding if you and your kid are going to color, do play dough, or go to the park today. You talk to your toddler about your day, discuss grocery lists with them, in fact, your lack of adult social interaction is so profound that as soon as someone gives you adult interaction again, you’re all over it like stink on poop.
You’re overeager to talk, and talk you do, you go on and on and on until the other person looks as frazzled as you feel. Share in the misery, stranger!
3 LOL Cardio?
During all of this, you see ads all over the place, telling you to get in shape, that being a mother is no excuse. So, you’re expected to fit going to the gym or going out for a run in with all of this chaos that’s going on.
What these people don’t seem to realize is that you get plenty of cardio when you chase your kids around the house, pick up full baskets of clothes, pick up toys for the umpteenth time, and keep your kids from, once again, climbing a shelf to get to the cookies. Cardio? I get plenty of it, thanks.
2 Bra? Who Needs a Bra?
When you get home, your first order of business, after shoe removal, is to pop off that painful, restricting bra, and to let your girls hang free. You may put a sports bra on, but you’re also just as comfortable with not wearing a bra at all. And then you realize you forgot to pick up diapers.
So, groaning, you gather the kids, then you look at your discarded bra;Eh, no one will notice. That’s what hoodies are for!
1 Ladies and Gentlemen, Tonight’s Show is... Mommy Peeing!
After it all, you have one thing you can say, for sure, you can at least get some peace in the bathroom. As the kids play, you grab your phone to check Facebook while you take a quick pee. While there, you hear them, like the pitter patter of evil little puppies that want to see everything you do.
Before you can click the lock that you forgot to click, the door opens. “Mommy, what’re you doin?” Yep. Once again, your potty habits have become the show for the day. Would you like some popcorn? I may have to do a number two, those are always fun to watch... note my sarcasm.
In the end, though, even if you are a hot mess, you’re still a mama. Your kids will forever love you no matter how scatterbrained you are. They’re always going to be happy to help you out, remind you about what you forgot, and play find the keys with you.
So, embrace being a Hot Mess! Odds are, the mom you think is perfect, thinks she is a hot mess too.