I don't even know where to begin, honey. My heart breaks for you. Aches with you. Even though I cannot understand the emotional turmoil wrought by a pregnancy test or a syringe, I see your pain and I want to carry it with you.
There are no words or gestures that can express how sorry I am. If I could change your circumstance, I would. Even though I don't always know exactly what to say to you to be a good friend, to be supportive, I'm going to try to put my love for you into words and hope against hope that it fits.
It's been a long time since you told me that you were struggling to get pregnant. What pains me is that I know that it's been a long time since you shared that with me, it's been even longer since you've been sitting alone with that pain. Since this has weighed on your heart.
I think back to all the times I unwittingly said something or thoughtlessly spoke too quickly and hurt you. Even though it was an inadvertent wound, it's still a wound. I wish I could take it back. I wish I could say that I never hurt my friend. Infertility is hard enough without unhelpful friends. You deserve better. You deserve the love of a friend who always knows what to say, who never says the wrong thing. Whose words are a comfort and not a barb.
I can only imagine how weary your heart feels. Tired of putting up the energy and the inertia to move forward with hope. Hope is like a chain tied to your gut that pulls you forward into the future, even when you're digging your heels. It pulls you into a completely unknown future. Know that I will be there.
I've watched the current of life bash you against the rocks so many times. I'm sorry for reminding you. I don't say this to make you relive all of those moments of pain. I just want you to know that I see your struggle.
I might not walk the same exact path in my life, but I care for you and so I care about the path you walk.
When I told you I was pregnant, I didn't know what to expect. To be honest, I was terrified that I could have hurt you and that you would struggle to be happy for me. To your credit, you never made me feel like you ever felt anything but love and joy for me and for my unborn child. I could not be more grateful to you for that gift. It was undoubtedly a sacrifice, an act of you putting me before you.
That act took courage and strength that I have never had to fathom having. You have it in spades. You constantly impress me. I am so honored to be your friend, to be a witness to your journey. I hope that it ends with the fulfillment of everything you've longed for. I hope that, along the way, I can live up to the kind of friend that you deserve.
I see you. I see your struggle. And I'm here.