Talking about my miscarriages was the only way that I could properly heal. I don't care if people think that I talked about it too much. It was the only way I was able to cope.
I had no idea how often miscarriages happened. I never heard of anybody having a miscarriage. Every once in a while somebody would mention that they lost their baby and it was devastating. I remember thinking how horrible that would be and how that would ruin my life. The only time I had heard of a woman losing their baby is when they had multiple miscarriages and it was because she had some sort of health condition. I never thought it could happen to me. I just had no idea.
My Experiences with Miscarriages
When I lost my first baby, I was about 6 weeks along. I had only known I was pregnant for about a week when I started to get very painful cramps, started feeling gross, and then started heavily bleeding. It was my third pregnancy and I knew it wasn't normal. I went to the hospital and I figured out that I indeed was having a miscarriage.
I was devastated and I felt like the world was out to get me. I really thought that I was being punished for something. How could this have happened to me? I was broken. It was a miserable moment. I didn't know how to handle that feeling. I got pregnant very quickly after (very next cycle). I was extremely excited and then...lost the baby again; it was traumatizing. I didn't want to tell anybody because I was so embarrassed. I lost that baby closer to 7 weeks. I called the doctor and wanted to talk to him about why I might have lost two babies. That is when he told me that it was very common.
Miscarriages Are Very Common, But I Had No Idea
Nobody ever talked about miscarriages and so I didn't know that it was actually very common and normal. My doctor told me that my body did nothing wrong and it just happens at no fault of mine. That is when I got curious and I started to open up about my miscarriages to other women. Nobody in my family or my husband's family had one, and so I didn't have anybody to talk to but then I started opening up outside of my family; I was very surprised. It was amazing to feel a sense of support and love I received from other women who suffered the same loss that I had. It also got me very grateful that I lost my babies early on; I am glad I didn't grow even more attached. I had no idea how many of my friends actually had experienced the same loss. Why didn't anybody talk about it? Are people embarrassed?
There is such a weird and terrible stigma surrounding miscarriages. After I had my second miscarriage I had a woman come up to me and ask, "What are you going to do next time to avoid having another miscarriage?" These types of questions are absolutely toxic. I did nothing wrong and therefore can't do anything differently the next time. Many women are ashamed of their miscarriage because they feel like it was something that they had done and they believe that they failed. They believed their body was ruined and didn't do what it was supposed to and that tears them up inside.
Sharing Has Been Part of My Healing
I decided that I was not going to stay quiet about my miscarriage. I was not going to be ashamed of the fact that I lost two babies. There was nothing wrong with my body. Miscarriages just sometimes happen for no reason. It is so much more common than we think. It was amazing to be able to open up about the loss I went through. It was nice to know that I wasn't alone. Although I didn't like that other women had gone through the same pain as I had it was nice to know that it wasn't just my body.
I started sharing with my peers on social media. I brought it up in conversations. I wanted to make sure that everybody knew about the babies I lost. I never want to forget about those two souls. They are part of me. Every year on their projected due dates I talk about them. It has been so important to me. Many people have thanked me for opening up about my miscarriages because it helps them heal too. We need to end the stigma of miscarriages and make sure that women know that they can talk about it without being judged.
For me, part of the healing process was sharing the news with others. Sometimes it made people feel uncomfortable because they didn't know what to say. However, most of the time people shared their own experiences. I lost those babies about four years ago and it still hurts my heart to this day. I will never "get over it" but it has been something that I have been able to cope with by sharing my feelings and experiences with others.
Sources: Insider, Miscarriage Association, WINK , Healthline