“All you need is love”, true! All forms of love are magical. Still, the bond that exists between parents and kids is one of the most wondrous relationships that can ever exist.
Many people try actively for a baby, women flourish during pregnancy, and a lot of partners strengthen their relationship after the birth of their child.
However, raising a kid is not easy. Being a parent is even more difficult than conceiving or giving birth. In fact, with time some people realized that parenthood was not the right thing for them. It’s true that all moms and dads experience difficulties, emotional problems, and family issues. However, some people just hate being parents. Sadly enough, some suffering individuals might hurt or abandon their babies.
Various reasons affect that doped love between mothers, fathers, and kids, but as society often blames and judges people, many parents can express their pain anonymously only on social media. Usually, hate can vary between dissatisfaction, anger, sadness, and delusional thinking.
Here are 15 truths why moms and dads might start hating their new role of being a parent. From false media representations to forced family roles, although kids are a miracle, parenthood is hard and it’s not for everyone.
This dynamic century has so much to offer that our lives are a roller coaster of rushing, deadlines, business meetings, and posts on social media. Even catching up with friends follows time restrictions. When was the last time you had enough time to contemplate the beauty outside?
Being a parent takes the little time we have for ourselves, and some people get trapped in a constant routine of work, changing diapers and breastfeeding.
It’s true that there’s never enough time and it's frustrating. Remember, however, that sooner or later, schedules and plans will become possible even with a baby. And look at the problem from a different perspective: the personal time we 'waste' at home is some extra time spent with our babies. In the end, as people say, “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”
It’s not a secret that being a parent is exhausting. Working or staying at home, young or older, looking after a child is tiring and requires high levels of energy. Personally, I can’t complain from my little angel as we haven’t had many painful sleepless nights yet. However, I often find myself drained around nine in the evening.
As a confession goes, “I just hate my life now, the sleep deprivation, the drudgery, the monotony, and I feel so guilty and ashamed for feeling this way.”
Just like the lack of time, physical exhaustion is a factor that can lead to many emotional pains, problems with concentration and behavioral difficulties. Still, remember that it will pass and sleep patterns will go back to normal.
In our society, work has become more important than having a family. Not surprisingly, under all that social pressure, some people see kids as a burden or an obstacle that interferes with their career and dreams. “I feel like having a kid closed off a lot of possibilities for me”, a confession goes. Another mom says, “I don't stand a chance at doing anything significant with my life other than saying 'Hey, I raised 3 more humans'.”
Work is important because being productive can increase one’s self-esteem and happiness. It’s true that parents have to miss some business trips from time to time, but for sure, being a parent should not be seen only as something that slows down your life. It simply means there’s someone else you can share your success with – your child.
Being a parent can become really hectic. In fact, books or classes can’t prepare parents for real parenthood. Running around, arranging time off, changing nappies, following schedules, waking up at night, and so and on. Parenthood definitely tests one’s ability to multitask and adapt to changes.
However, some people see parenthood as “monotony.” They feel stuck at home with their children and see themselves unable to take new risks or enjoy new opportunities.
Maybe the answer to that is to stop exposing so much on social media, which creates a false image of people’s lives. We often see people dining at fancy places or taking selfies in flashy bathrooms? But is that really more interesting than seeing a little person grow up?
Many people hate parenthood as they lose all kind of social support after the birth of their child. It’s true that people bombard us with advice on how to give birth, how to breastfeed, and more and more. People want to see the baby and leave not only a present but another piece of advice. The problem is that many friends just disappear. A father-of-two said he felt he was “slipping away from everyone and everything I used to love doing” just because his friends didn’t have kids and couldn’t relate to him.
Look at parenthood this way: you lose people who only pretended to be friends, but you gain something precious – a child.
Although it’s believed that babies are born from love, some people see kids as an opportunity to ‘trap’ their partner. The truth, however, is that having a kid is challenging and many people just give up on their relationship. A mother says that due to all the exhaustion and panic attacks she wanted to divorce her husband.
That’s said, many people start blaming and hating their kids, even though it’s not their fault. As a post reveals, “It's not my baby's fault, and he deserves a good mother who wants him.”
Postnatal depression and exhaustion can result in many emotional problems but we should identify our negative thoughts and work towards better family relationships.
Although money can’t buy us happiness, the financial aspect of parenthood might become a burden for some people. From all checks during pregnancy through birth to raising a human, the almighty dollar can trigger a lot of distress, arguing and depression.
The weird thing is that parents who don’t live with their kids also fear their financial insecurity. A father says, “I have lost my life completely, I cannot find another woman because of my baggage and the child maintenance is crippling me financially.”
The truth is that the government should integrate more funds for health and social care. Apart from that, society should be more understanding and single parents should not be stigmatized all the time.
As mentioned earlier, some parents stay together only for their kids. However, a forced relationship often ends in divorce. Many people report that their sex life, intimacy and romantic nights disappeared after the birth of their child.
A mom who was forced to have kids says,” We had a great relationship before the baby, and I always felt like we could have continued the way we were.” Unfortunately, as she continues, her love for her husband has vanished.
Still, parents should not blame kids for the problems in their family. The family as a whole can function transforming love into a deeper feeling. Family game nights, vacations, cooking together, all those small things can add some magic to our everyday lives.
Some people hate their kids because they feel like their freedom has flown away. "I’m not happy. They have taken all my freedom, I can’t get a job, my husband barely makes enough for holidays. I’ve lost my freedom, I was a flight stewardess, free as a bird before having kids. Now I’m just doing never ending house duties…My mom told me not to get married and not to have kids… I should have listened to her…”
Many people feel like they’ve lost their freedom. The truth is that no matter what we do, life is just a repeating but beautiful routine, so kids can’t ruin the wonderful cycle of life.
What’s more, what is freedom? As the great psychologist Erich Fromm claims, we all fear real freedom.
Just like freedom, spontaneity might become one of the reasons why parents start regretting having children. There are even articles that describe the death of spontaneity that happens with the transition to parenthood.
“I feel like having a kid closed off a lot of possibilities for me, definitely killed any semblance of spontaneity in my life.”, a mother says.
Okay, it’s true that with kids things are a bit more different. You can’t book last minute deals, you can’t go out at two in the morning, and you can invite 10 people after a night out. But do people without kids actually do these things so often? Do they really say, “Oh, today I’m going bungee jumping!... Wait! I can’t because of this crying one.” Personally, after I had my daughter, people without kids still needed more time to arrange a night out compared to the three of us all together. It’s more about personal traits, not the presence of kids.
Another thing that might make people regret having kids is… their own house. You don’t have to be an interior designer to like your tidy and cozy home. With kids, though, people should make a lot of adjustments, compromises, and changes. Broken vases, dirty carpets, ripped curtains and drawings on the walls, kids are masters of creating a mess. On top of that, investing in a nursery and baby toys and clothes is expensive.
If we take into consideration the pressure that society and family members impose on mothers – to be good housewives, cooks, maids, and gardeners, many women can start showing warning signs of burnout. Crazy parties or quiet nights? Parenthood changes a lot. And our castle is invaded by the new member of the family – our little ball of love.
Let’s be honest, parenthood affects our career. Sleepless nights lead to lower levels of productivity. Many people quit their jobs to look after their kids. Often people need a nanny so they can attend business meetings or training sessions. Some people are even forced to find a second or a third job to be able to cover all the expenses that parenthood goes hand in hand with.
A mother confesses that the lack of sleep affects not only her personal life but her career as she often misses work due to exhaustion. “I hit her yesterday and feel so guilty. I wish I never had her, she takes and takes and we are empty. We have tried letting her cry, sleeping next to her, even put a lock on her room so she would not get out. She still wakes us up.”
Some parents change not only their career but their whole life. Many people move to a neighborhood that’s cheaper or close to the school of their choice. Many people move to a different city so they can have more emotional support from grandparents and friends.
It’s even worse for parents that have moved to a different country because they can’t leave. Being stuck in a place that one hates can easily kill the love they have for their kids.
A woman from Venezuela reveals her personal tragedy: “my husband and I are from different countries… he wants at least 2 kids in the future or we have to divorce… now I don’t know what to do because I can’t go back to my country.”
Kids are really sweet and seeing them grow up is amazing. However, some people simply don’t like kids. They find them annoying, noisy, demanding and messy.
What's more, some people don’t like their own kids. A father shares his thoughts: “I really don't like kids and I hate having them during my weekends.”
On top of that, a woman expresses her horror of having kids: “I love him so much but I love myself too much to betray my life to give in to a child.”
That said, some parents realize something else: the overwhelming love they feel leads them to a meltdown. A mother shared she “loved this baby so much (she) would not be able to leave it ever.” “Too much love will kill you”, true.
Last but least, some children experience worrying behavioral problems, such as lying and aggression, and parents just find it hard to love them.
Sadly, some parents not only dislike parenthood and their own kids but wish their little ones had never been born.
When you are aware of all the problems that happen during pregnancy and childbirth, and all the parents that try so hard for a baby, as well as all the little ones in neonatal intensive care units (NICU), saying that one wishes their own kids had never been born is devastating.
However, exhaustion, unwanted pregnancy, social pressure, financial issues, job loss, postnatal struggles and even a new postnatal body are some of the reasons that can make many people regret having a child.
We shouldn’t blame anyone. Life is full of emotions and feelings. However, before we create a new life, we should think twice, simply because hate can ruin our little ones.
A mother says, “When I became pregnant, I had not ever wanted a child. I was not at all happy! In fact, I cried so much and became very depressed… My daughter is now ten and we have a great relationship. I enjoy her company now. My harshness has pretty much dissipated and I feel much better about being a parent now. Hoping my early issues have not forever damaged her."
In other words, the line between love and hate is thin.
Sources: DailyMail.co.uk, NYmag.com, Suggest.com