Ever wondered why each and every woman's body reacts differently to pregnancy? Food consumption and genetic makeup aside, did you know that the celestial sphere onto which our zodiacs are projected can affect how pregnancy physically changes our bodies? Huh? What'dya mean? You might ask.
Dearies, in layman terms, it means that our bodies are at the mercy of the date and time which we were born into this world (very much like Chinese Feng Shui). If you are a believer who reads your daily horoscope then dig in and see whether you'll be able to rock that pregnant belly of yours and go down in style or suffer through a horrendous journey of nine agonizing months.
If you are not a believer, stay on and jump onto the bandwagon just for some fun reading. Who's to know you might be a believer at the end of the article?
Here we will look at how different women of various zodiac signs will fare physically. Some will have the time of their lives (fingers crossed. Please please please let me be one of them) and others will downright curse the constellations in the sky. Oh the fault in our stars.
12 Aries - Mommy Enhancements
Baby boy - The lustrous locks
If you're an Aries and are preggo with a baby boy then quick! Go down on your wobbly knees and thank your lucky stars! You'll be enviously blessed with lustrous locks that would put any Pantene commercial to shame.
Find that hard to believe? Walk down the streets (if you still have the energy to) and do a survey on all women who have the same zodiac and are carrying a baby with a 'stick'. You'll find that they will walk with a bounce in their steps, their hair flailing gently with every dainty foot put forward, and their glorious mane reflecting the rays of the morning sun. Literally. It would be akin to the scene from the Little Mermaid (sans being underwater) and they would have the Kadarshians trying to bribe them for information on which salon they go to.
Baby girl - The massive twin peaks
An Aries carrying a baby girl would most likely see a ballooning of her twin assets (much to the delight of many). While chesty ladies might groan at the onslaught of never ending back aches, washboard gals would whoop for joy and happily go hunt for bras a few sizes bigger. Those who aren't too happy about the twin growth can rejoice knowing that the mutation is merely temporary. The nightmare begins AFTER birth and breastfeeding when the twin peaks will shrink, shrivel and droop like nobody's business. That's when the drama and all the crying will start.
11 Taurus - Things Will Grow
Baby boy - Acne mountain will grow from the molehill
Sure you might only be 5 months along the line but if any look can be deceiving then it most definitely will be your bulging belly. Taurus women carrying baby boys generally have a bigger bump compared to their peers (for reasons only the heavenly stars will know). So do not be surprised if well meaning strangers and friends come up and exclaim 'whoa! Are you due next week?'
The perks with having a bigger belly is people will tend to be more gentle and helpful. You'll get free seats on the bus, be able to jump queue at Target and maybe get some freebies too. So enjoy the illusion of being a full term pregnant woman while you can (before the third trimester worse kick in).
Baby girl - The great mutation of leg / arm hair
Taurus girl carrying a baby girl? Check. Then you might want to invest in some good ol' waxing cream or shaver because girl, the hair follicles on your body are hung to have a wild time sprouting hair, hair and more hair everywhere. Everywhere? You might ask. Yes. everywhere with a capital E. Gone will be the days of smooth silky arms and legs that you could parade at the beach. Instead, you'll get to flaunt your new mass of body hair (seriously, one can become even harrier than a yeti). So be prepared to either start a shaving frenzy or cover your whole body in long sleeved shirts and dresses for the next few months.
10 Gemini - The Bounce Back
Baby boy - Bootalicious all the way baby
Geminis carrying baby boys will be blessed in ways beyond anyone's comprehension. Their skin will sport a healthy glow, their hair will be silky smooth, their nails strong and unbreakable and their body, will be the envy of everyone. In general they will become the 'it' pregnant girl who has it all. Body aches? What body aches? Acne? Never heard of 'em. Swollen feet? Hahahaha...you got to be joking right? The Gemini will not be bothered by any of the pregnancy woes at all (and if they are, then blame it on the star).
Baby girl - The spare tyre ain't going nowhere honey
Geminis are often depicted as having two faces , two sides, and two personalities. And so, the true Gemini would experience a flip side if she were to be carrying a baby girl instead. Healthy skin and hair? Strong cuticles and perky boobs? Oh no honey. Geminis carrying future hottest won't be blessed with any of those symptoms. In fact, one can say it might be the total opposite. The baby bump on their bellies would be the most evident difference. Those who give birth to baby boys will find it easier to gain back their pre pregnancy belly but those who give life to the opposite sex, we'll, let's just say that they might as well say good bye to their skinny jeans and two piece bikinis.
9 Cancer - The Worst Symptoms
Baby boy - Of swollen feet and ankles
Ever seen a crab with swollen claws / feet? Look no further. The Cancer zodiac lady carrying baby Dick will most likely sport swollen feet and ankles as early as the second trimester. They will have trouble squeezing their once dainty feet into stiletto pumps and will have to settle for flats instead (some might find their spouse's sandals to be extremely comfortable during this time). The swell could cause their feet and ankles to double in size, seemingly being able to rival an elephant's. But fear not ladies, once the little hoarder comes out and you sweat a few buckets then everything will go back to normal.
Baby girl - The return of pregnancy puberty acne
Where there is a Yin, there will undoubtedly be a Yang. Therefore it comes as no surprise that when a Cancer lady is blessed with a baby girl, the beings of higher power would counter the blessing with acne. Lots and lots of 'em. They will swarm the face of the pregnant mother until she is unrecognizable. Never mind that there are countless facials available, they won't work. When one zit dries up, another will take it's place. They will be like pesky bugs that just won't leave. However, all is not lost, this acne attack will last but for a week or two, after which smooth supple skin will ensue. So it'll be all worth it in the end. Right?
8 Leo - Miracles
Baby boy - Yippee! Healthy skin and nails!
According to the heavenly constellations, the Leo lady carrying a baby boy will have it easy. They will be bestowed with healthy skin and nails. Oh yeah baby. These ladies won't have to spend a single dime on any beauty products whatsoever. Their skin will have such a luminescent glow, even beauty power houses like the Shiseido and Lancome would cower in shame. And don't forget them nails baby. Those cuticles will be so strong they could cut up beef (kidding! It's just a metaphor). The point is, the Leo lady's hormones will somehow, miraculously align themselves in such a manner that the body will be at its best, to the bafflement of scientists and woes of other pregnant mamas.
Baby girl - Yippee! It's the same for both genders!
Leo ladies who carry baby girls can also thank their lucky stars. The symptoms (aka miracles) also apply to them. It is as if a great giant lion resides in them and cheers (or roars) its way to a glorious pregnancy. So toss your hair and stride in the sun ladies. You have much to flaunt for. After all, why not flaunt it while you have it? Yes. The word here is 'while'. This means that once the baby comes out, all this glowing skin and healthy shiny nails will revert back to their original pasty state (or worse....the skin might loose it's moisture and start sagging. Gasp!
7 Virgo - Things Grow
Baby boy - Is that a moustache on your face?
Virgos will have a field day (or week or month, no, make that a trimester or two) answering two multimillion dollar questions. The first would be, 'is it a boy or is it a girl?'. The second would veer to dangerous territory with the curious ones trying to find the right words before blurting out 'did you grow a moustache?'. That would probably be the last question they ever ask. The truth is, Virgos carrying baby boys tend to have wilder raging hormones in their bodies. Think of it as their little boys being overly active and extremely manly in the womb. Their testosterone level is just too much for them to contain, hence the vessel (meaning the moustache lady) will have to bear the brunt of sharing the additional male hormones. So have fun looking like Charlie Chaplin for a few weeks. Lord knows the fun will be over once the baby comes out.
Baby girl - Did the nose just grow bigger?
Virgo ladies carrying baby girls will see an expansion on one of their facial parts. Tadaaa! The nose! Remember the scene from Red Riding Hood? 'My, what big nose you have...' some might say. 'All the better to smell you with my dearies,' you can reply. You get to be the big bad wolf with the big nose. Hahahaha (kill me...). But seriously, many will find their nose to be somewhat larger than before pregnancy and while there is always a silver lining in the sky, the big nose might stay with the Virgin lady for a long long time even after birth. Some claim to never get their dainty little noses back. Well, there's always nose jobs and make ups available. But in all seriousness, once the baby is out, the enhanced nose will be the last thing on your mind. It won't even bother you anymore, especially not when your daily life revolves around the baby peeing, pooping and barfing all over you.
6 Libra - It's All Going To Fall Out
Baby boy - It's nail breaking time
Some will be blessed with healthy and exquisite looking nails. Libra ladies on the other hand should be prepared to have their nails chipped and broken at the touch of a tissue. It will literally be as weak as a newborn kitten. So one might opt to trim the nails as short as possible and avoid having any nail art or paintings done. The trick would be to apply a generous amount of nail vitamins and keep them short and clean. For the rebellious ones, they can try to keep their french manicures and pedicures but bear in mind it will take up an extremely huge amount of effort to protect the nails. Experts predict that the nails could split, become rough and get chipped faster than you can blink your eye.
Baby girl - You could give Goldilocks a run for her money, honey
Libra ladies carrying baby girls on the other hand can give a big sigh of relief for not having to experience nail woes. In fact, they can shout and whoop for joy since the lucky stars will bestow upon them wondrous lustrous locks. Locks that could rival Rapunzel's strength, Goldilocks' sheen and give Pantene a run for their money. Their crowning glory would become so silky smooth one would think these pregnant ladies sleep in the hair salon all day long. This blessing unfortunately will not last long. Once the baby is out, the mother's body will literally go crazy and she will start shedding hair. Not just a few strands. The hair loss will come is throes upon throes. So much so that the floor will look like a yard of hay. The vacuum cleaner will have to go into overdrive just to suck up those once lustrous locks (which by then would look pasty and feel oily). Sob!
5 Scorpio - Size Matters
Baby boy - That's one big bump you got there
Pregnant Scorpios will have fun making people guess how many months along she is. Her belly will usually look bigger than it should. There will be basically no correlation based on the size and month. This however does not mean that the baby is big in size. It might just be that the body carries amniotic fluid (more padding and comfort for the baby perhaps?). Either way, this pregnant lady will get to enjoy all the perks that pregnant women get to have in public places. You'll get that special seat in the subway (give an evil eye to anyone who refuses to give up their seat for you), you might get to cut queue (fake a fatigued look...this will be easy) and you might end up with extra food portions from restaurants too!
Baby girl- You'd think the bump would be smaller
Scorpios carrying baby girls get to enjoy the same perks as their peers who carry baby boys. So Yay for both baby genders! Big pregnant belly perks aside, the size of the belly might give you sleepless nights filled with the annoying back aches. You might have trouble bending down to pick things up even before hitting the third trimester and not only that. It will be harder to move around and you will probably get tired easily now with all the extra weight on your body. Be prepared to invest in a good back support as this can help prevent long term back aches after giving birth. On the bright sure, you won't need to dine at the table. The big belly can serve as a mini dining tray for placing little plates and cups for you to dine on. Talk about maximizing the perks of pregnancy.
4 Sagittarius - It Grows!
Baby boy - Of glowing skin but swollen ankles
Sagittarius oh Sagittarius, on one hand, they will be blessed with glowing skin. But on the other hand, they will have to deal with swollen ankles. One cannot have it all right? Who cares if you can't wear stiletto heels or feel the bones in your toes. You literally get baby skin! Who on earth gets baby skin after they hit puberty? If you are conscious about people staring at those bee stung legs for yours, wear long skirts or pants. Tell them it's rude not to look people in the eye and make them cower with the list all the women rights you've ever read to them for having even dared to look below your chin. Then flaunt your face instead. That'll work.
Baby girl - Of lustrous locks but hairy arms
Sagittarius with baby girls on the other hand will be happy knowing that their crowning glory will indeed be glorious. They will however have to live with extra locks on their bodies...not only will the hair on their head be thicker, the hair all over their body will also follow suit. Talk about working as a team. Still, this should be of no concern. After all, one can easily shave off the unwanted hair with shavers in an instant these days. It's just that one would probably have to shave the hair off almost every day. These little follicles will be working extra hard to cover the body with hair, much like the baby's lanugo.
3 Capricorn - Back With A Vengeance
Baby boy - Oh my, look at the craters on the face!
A majority of Capricorns will face (literally) a big blow to their confidence. Not only will their faces become swollen, there will be eruptions upon eruptions of acne with endless yellow gooey pus. The days of silky smooth skin will be a thing of the past. Capricorns carrying baby boys will have to bear the brunt of acne attacks on their faces (heck, some even have them on their chest and backs). Pimple concealer will be their new best friend and they might find comfort in makeup and foundations but know that if not washed properly, the face will break out even more. Still, these ladies can breathe a sigh of relief because there is always a silver lining in the sky. The wave of acne attack will subside by the third trimester and become a bitter distant memory with only the scars to remind them of their nightmare.
Baby girl - Look at the glowing skin!
Capricorns carrying baby girls on the other hand can give themselves a pat on the back. Acne? The word would be of no significance to them. If they had blackheads or milia seeds on their faces before, the beings of higher power would have them pushed out of their pores. They would be able to wipe their hands across their faces and feel those annoying little zits being rubbed out. It'll be like a miracle! Even pimple extractors do not wield such power! Capricorns you ladies are the luckiest! A word of caution though, just as Cinderella's ball dress changed back to her drags, so will the silky smooth skin. Once the body realizes that the baby is out, it will revert to normal (sometimes it might even go 'haywire' for a few weeks) and the oil glands will once again go into overdrive to clog the facial pores. And viola! The bumpy skin will mark their return...sometimes with a vengeance.
2 Aquarius - All About The Assets
Baby boy - Big ass with sass
Aquarius women can sashay down the street and wriggle their behind knowing that they would have grown perkier and a size or two bigger. There is no shame in flaunting one's assets. Just think of Kim Kardashian and Beyoncé. Those women are proud of their booties, so you should be, too. After all, this asset won't be permanent. It would most likely deflate and sag once the baby is out and when you spend more time trying to rock the baby to sleep than you do trying to rock your bell bottoms. So invest in the most flattering outfit and go paint the town red with your besties. Have people admire and envy you as you walk with the confidant (albeit slightly clumsy) strut and have lots of laughs with friends and family members about the burgeoning behind.
Baby girl - Time to shop for bigger bras
Those carrying baby girls will too, be happy as their frontal assets will face an expansion. The first trimester would be the best time to shop for new bras (red, pink, lime green, lacy, saucy...any type will do as long as they can hold the new and upgraded size of the twin peaks). Do not be too delighted though as great assets come with greater responsibilities. Not only will they have to buy new bras, the already chesty mamas will have to invest in a good back support as the extra weight in front might contribute to future back pains a few weeks or months down the line. If not cared for properly, this achy breaky back can haunt you for life.
1 Pieces - All In The Skin
Baby boy - Acne free skin for the next few months
Finally we have the Pieces lady carrying a baby boy. These ladies will be happily acne free for the next few weeks to months. Some will sport clear and dewy skin right up to the first year of post pregnancy. Don't you just envy them? If they were ridden with pustules and mole sized black heads before, then they will pray to be pregnant with baby boys every year for the rest of their lives. This is mainly because the body's hormones will somehow regulate themselves and therefore produce less oil. As a result, the sebum production decreases and these ladies' pores will not get clogged as often. In layman terms, it'll be crystal clear skin all the way.
Baby girl - Dry, scaly skin anyone?
The same cannot be said for Pieces ladies carrying baby girls. These women will unfortunately have to face the wrath of their hormones going into relaxation mode and not producing enough sebum instead. Their skin will take a turn for the worst as the dermatitis layer will lack moisture. The skin will be extremely dry, flaky and scaly so much so that moisturizes will be a must for a Pieces lady's purse. The moisturizer will be her new best friend. In fact, it might even end up being her lifeline. Imagine cracked skin oozing with blood. No one wants that. So go, invest in a good moisturizer to protect your skin. It'll be a much needed item for the next few months. But fret not as the skin usually (not always though) returns to its original state after the birth of the baby.
Sources: wikipedia.com, Babycenter.com, Parenting.com