Are you trying for another baby after a stillbirth? Losing a baby is very painful, and many women who have experienced loss are scared of trying again. This article discusses women who've tried to get pregnant after a stillbirth, how it affected them emotionally, and how they coped.

You May Experience Anxiety Until You Deliver

One mom says getting pregnant soon after helped her cope. “The single biggest thing that helped with my grief was my second son. He was born less than a year after Tristan,” Sarah told Tommy’s. She had lost Tristan, her firstborn, at 38 weeks.

However, some moms experience anxiety leading up to their delivery after enduring a stillbirth. “I was really worried that I’d have IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction) again. I worried my baby could be even smaller than Robyn, and I was always anxious to hear the baby’s heartbeat in scans.” Lemara shared Bliss, for example.  Only women who have been there truly understand the pain of stillbirth. The anxiety is crippling. The fear that they will deliver an angel, again. The nine months wait is borderline agonizing. All they want is to deliver. To hear the baby cry right after delivery. Even after delivery, fear still looms.

RELATED: "I Went Home Without My Baby" - Stories Of Women Who Lost Babies During Delivery

Robyn was Lemara’s firstborn; she was stillborn due to IUGR. Lemara and her husband Jon wanted to forget their loss. They wanted to move on. But the unvoiced grief was biting. Time did not really heal the pain. Seeing anything pregnancy-related triggered Lemara’s grief. The loss was so profound, Lemara and Jon needed to fill the void. They wanted another baby. They needed one. Within two years, she was pregnant with Annemarie, her second child. This isn't unusual.  "Many women want to get pregnant again after a loss, quickly," OB-GYN Lara Friel, M.D., of Maternal-Fetal Medicine at the University of Texas Health Science Center told Parents.

You may wonder how long you should wait to have another baby after stillbirth. Less than 1% of women have two consecutive stillbirths. So do not be afraid to get pregnant again. The best time to get another baby after a stillbirth is after you have healed emotionally and physically. Your partner matters too, and together, you can agree on the best time.

Keep Yourself Busy With Distractions

“My main thought during the pregnancy was that I had to keep my baby alive.” Lemara shared with Bliss. She embraced a do-what-you-got-to-do attitude. Lemara was very proactive with her doctor's appointments. She ate right, kept hydrated, religiously slept on her left, and even paid attention to the baby’s movement patterns. One time she was convinced that the baby had stopped moving, she rushed to hospital at 10 pm. It turned out to be a false alarm, but that got her doctor to recommend more growth and Doppler scans. The extra scans reassured and comforted her.

Daily Affirmations Can Encourage Positivity

Positivity encourages pregnancy; doulas will tell you so. When Kelly decided to try another child, she stepped up her game. She saw her OB-GYN weekly and hired a gentle doula at 30 weeks. Her doula and husband would be the most significant pillars. “We discussed the birth, and overwhelmingly my greatest fear. It was not the pain; it was being left alone.” Kelly wrote for Belly Belly of how her doula saw her through the second pregnancy. “She gave me so much positive information; she helped me take the steps to begin to trust my body. She continually gave me positive affirmations.”

When you set your mind for a successful pregnancy and affirm it, you raise your baby’s chances. Lemara also knew this. “I would count the kicks, listen to relaxing instrumental music and take ten deep breaths while saying a personal mantra: “My body will nourish my baby, my baby will grow strong and healthy.” Lemara told Bliss.

Extra Support Will Help You Through It

“Fear was the most difficult aspect of the post-loss pregnancy … If I expected to bring him home, then it would jinx things, and I would lose him too." This was after losing twins. Stacy Parents of her experience.  "I strongly recommend counseling or therapy for patients who experience a stillbirth. There are also support groups for parents who have had a pregnancy loss,” advised Dr. Friel to the publication.

For Stacy, she made it through the second pregnancy with much support. She joined an online community called Share Your Story. She called it “her saving grace”. She also used a therapy, pastor, family and her husband for support. Most hospitals will recommend or appoint a therapist after a stillbirth. Therapy is useful for couples and the mother to express and sort out their emotions. It is through the therapy that emotional healing happens.

This is also what Lemara advises moms do when trying for a child after stillbirth. “Take one day at a time and try to be positive that everything will be ok this time. Be gentle with yourself if you feel down and be proud when you have positive days," she explained. Leave the past to itself, and create the future that you want. If you are considering a second baby, you are very strong. Your strength will take you through the pregnancy. Do what is required; the medical and lifestyle requirements, and all will be well. Surround yourself with all the support you need. If you feel like you need therapy all through your pregnancy, then go for it. Lemara delivered Annemarie preterm, but 7 weeks in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) improved Annemarie’s health and weight. Get inspired by Lemara’s story to gather your strength and conceive another child.

Consult With Your OB-GYN

Having thoughts about trying for another baby? Consult with your OB-GYN to get the greenlight. Your OB-GYN helps to determine if your body is ready for another pregnancy. While in the past women were advised to wait at least 1 year, a study found that there is no increased risk if you got pregnant earlier.

Dr. Friel advises that it is better to wait because short-interval pregnancy poses risks for both mom and baby including:

  • Preterm birth.
  • Small for gestational age baby.
  • Pre-eclampsia.
  • Anemia

Dr. Friel also recommends that as you wait, keep taking prenatal vitamins and nutritious foods to restore your body for another pregnancy. Also, take folic acid and quit any smoking and alcohol. You want your body in the best shape.

Try To Determine The Cause Of Your Stillbirth

A postmortem of the previous stillbirth will show if there was any problem with the baby. Your OB-GYN will advise you on the necessary steps. If the problem was the baby, dietary and lifestyle changes can improve your next baby’s chances. If postmortem results show no problem with the baby, it only means one thing. The problem could be you. Your doctor will help locate the problem, which can then be corrected.

NEXT: Organizations Dedicated To Breaking Stigma Around Pregnancy Loss

Sources: ParentsTommy'sBlissBellybelly