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Is It Selfish That I Just Want My Body To Be Mine Again?

I just want to get my body back. I want it to be all mine again. I don't want to have to share it and I am tired of always having to think about somebody else when I put something in my body. Every time I eat something I think about it affecting a tiny little human. Is it selfish I just don't want to have to think about somebody else every time I eat something or need to take a medication? I want to work out normally and I want to start feeling like myself again. I don't often share this with people because I don't want it to sound like I am ungrateful for my life, or that I am selfish.

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About six months before my husband and I got married I had a cyst removed from my ovaries. My gynecologist put me on continuous birth control and he said that it might be difficult to get pregnant once I got off birth control.  Well, my husband and I got married May 4, we got off birth control at the end of May, we found out we were pregnant at the end of June. So, I guess it wasn't hard for us to get pregnant. I started throwing up like a madwoman at about 6 weeks. Our entire first year of marriage was me dying of sickness. By our first anniversary, we had a 3 week old.

I was pumping on a schedule and I was on the mini pill. I decided to get off the mini pill because we thought conceiving my first child was just a fluke. Apparently breastfeeding is only a good form of birth control if you are doing it around the clock and not on a schedule. Since I was on a schedule with my pumping and I wasn't doing it at night, I was "unprotected." I got a positive pregnancy test about four weeks after getting off the mini pill. Our boys are 16 months apart. After my second was born, I ovulated for the first time when he was about a year old and we got pregnant right away before I even had a cycle. We sadly lost that baby. I got pregnant the month after we lost the baby. We then had a second miscarriage. Then I got pregnant three months later once I ovulated again after the second miscarriage. Mind you, I was breastfeeding my son this entire time and I breastfed him until he was about 18 months.

We got pregnant with our fourth baby when my third son was about 14 months. We got pregnant on my first post-partum ovulation. And now I am nursing my fourth child and she is only about 2 1/2 months old. So, in the last 6 1/2 years I have either been pregnant, or nursing. I know we are so blessed that we are so fertile and that we haven't had any complications getting pregnant. I know that I am blessed because I haven't even had a cycle in 6 years because we would got pregnant on the first try each time. I just am done being pregnant and I don't want to nurse anymore. I don't want to sound like I am ungrateful but I just want to feel normal again!

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