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Shawn Johnson Believes That Her Miscarriage Was "Payback" For Her Gymnastics Career

Shawn Johnson East believes that her miscarriage two years ago was the result of not taking care of her body through her gymnastics career.

Former Olympic gymnast, Shawn Johnson East and her husband Andrew East are expecting their first child any day now. Just a few days ago Shawn shared a photo of her wearing her 2008 Olympic leotard over her 40 weeks pregnant belly. It fit, but it obviously did look different. The couple is very excited to be expecting a baby and they can't wait to meet their little one. Shawn and Andrew are both very grateful that they have had a safe and healthy pregnancy this time after having a devastating miscarriage two years ago.

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Like every mother who has gone through a miscarriage, Shawn has blamed herself for the loss of her baby. Shawn said, “I felt so sad and guilty that I had done something wrong to lose this child,” says the mother-to-be, adding of her doctor’s comments, “I remember that just bringing me to tears because I was like, ‘How can you say that? ‘Cause I must’ve done something wrong.” The doctor told her over and over that she didn't cause her miscarriage and that they just happen sometimes. And [the doctor] just kept saying, ‘It wasn’t about being around a smoker or eating the wrong thing or accidentally having a glass of wine because you didn’t know you were pregnant,’ ”Shawn recalls.

The gymnast was convinced that her body dealt with a miscarriage because of how much she put it through during her gymnastic career. “That was always my fear — that I had put my body through so much and done so many extreme diets and delayed puberty and all of these things, that it would cause me to have trouble getting pregnant,” she reveals. She said that she could help to feel like she did so much damage on her body that it caught up to her and then killed the little baby. Shawn was certain that it was her fault and that if she would have taken better care of her body then her child would have survived. She felt a lot of guilt for the whole experience and said that she was really scared when she got pregnant with a second baby. She thought "I can’t even take care of child for a week in my stomach, I can’t raise a child on my own." And then she even said that she felt really guilty that she let Andrew down and couldn't make him a father.

Shawn, you are going to make such a great mother. Miscarriages are very difficult to go through and guilt is a huge step in the process. Every time a mother goes through a miscarriage she blames herself or wonders what she could have done differently. Miscarriages happen very frequently and they aren't the mothers fault. You did nothing wrong! We are so grateful that you get your rainbow baby!

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