When the time to give birth draws near, you're going to be burdened with having to decide whom you want around in the delivery room. When making this decision, you obviously have to take your mother into consideration as well – do you really want her in the delivery room? Of course, the decision has both its positives and negatives, but with so many emotions involved, it can truly get overwhelming.
Childbirth is an extremely intimate and private occasion. There's no chance for you to go back and undo or redo it, so you need to make sure that the experience is as positive as it can get. With that, it's entirely up to you to decide who you wish to have with you at your birth. Some women find it nearly impossible to go through this important moment of their lives without their mothers around.
On the other hand, there are those too who can’t even think of having their mothers near them during childbirth. To be honest, whether your mother is part of your birth plan or not should solely be your choice. However, given below are a few things for you to consider when making this particular decision:
8 What sort of a relationship do you have with her?
One of the most important aspects to take into consideration is the sort of relationship the two of you share. If you’re very close to her, there’s a good chance that you will want to hold her hand all through labor. However, if you don’t have a close bond with her, then she might not be able to offer the support that you need at such a crucial time.
When you head to the hospital to deliver your baby, it's necessary for you to be with someone you can be 100% comfortable with. If you have unresolved past issues with your mother, there's no chance that you'll be comfortable with having her in the delivery room. Although you may want to reconcile with her during this time, the plan may backfire and will only cause you stress, which will eventually trigger complications in your labor.
7 Does she have a good relationship with your spouse?
The next thing that you need to consider when making this decision is the relationship your mother shares with your spouse. This aspect should particularly be taken into consideration if you wish to have both your partner/husband and your mother with you during the birth.
To be honest, having both your spouse and your mother around in the delivery room can be very beneficial for you. For starters, it will make it possible for both birthing partners to take breaks and relax while the other takes charge. Moreover, there will always be someone around you so there wouldn’t be a moment when you will be alone and unsupported.
However, things are only going to work out smoothly if your mother and your spouse share a good relationship. If they aren’t close to each other, it will only trigger stress in the labor room, which would obviously create problems for you during childbirth.
6 Will you be comfortable with her?
In case your labor doesn’t progress well at the hospital, you doctor just might choose to intervene so that things can speed up a little. In order to intervene, your doctor may need to give you pain relief medications as well. In such a situation, it's necessary for you to be comfortable and for that, you need to be with someone who you're completely comfortable with so that the environment in the delivery room remains stress-free.
Now, it would be perfect for you to have your mother around in the delivery room if you are comfortable with her. However, if there's even a bit of hesitance or detest between the two of you, then it's best for you to choose not to have her around.
5 Will she be able to offer the kind of support you’d need?
Labor is a unique experience for every woman out there. For this reason, you just can’t predict what sort of support you will need to last through it. To put it in simple words, you will be able to acquire the best support during labor from a person that:
- You know very well
- Can provide unhindered care for you all through labor
- Has already experienced birth
If this sounds like your mother, then maybe you should go ahead and have her with you in the delivery room. But apart from all that, make sure that she has a cool head as well and knows how to keep you calm.
4 Does she panic upon being stressed?
If your mother is the sort of person who panics at the slightest hint of stress, has the habit of putting her needs before anyone’s else, or gives you bad vibes/makes you feel anxious about things, then it's highly recommended for you to keep her as far away from the delivery room as possible.
I know mothers are typically very caring and offer pure love to their children, but at times, just the sight of their daughters in pain can bring out the worst in them. If this is what your mother is like, don’t even think of having her with you in the delivery room!
3 What would you want her to do in the delivery room?
The next thing for you to consider when deciding whether you want your mother in the delivery room is that of the tasks that you think your mother will be able to achieve. See, the thing with delivery rooms these days is that they are packed with utter drama as grandparents-to-be struggle to make their way in.
On the one hand, there’s a good chance that you want your partner to be your main support during the delivery, but on the other, you might also be interested in having your mum around in the room for the encouragement that she might offer. If this is what you want, then the best thing for you to do is to just ask her to stay more so on the sidelines.
Also, if you have other kids, you could also give her the responsibility of looking after them to make sure that they're cared for and happy while you're at the hospital. Just work out what you want your mother to do and tell her about it outright!
2 Will you have enough room in the delivery room?
If you give birth at the hospital, there might be a restriction on the number of people you can have with you in the delivery room. To put it in simple words, a majority of hospitals these days have a two-person rule, which includes the birthing mother and two other people alongside her. In this case, you'll need to give serious consideration to whom you want around as there are plenty of options including your mum, spouse, best friend, sister and even your doula.
1 Act selfish – keep her busy with work if she still wants in
Let’s get this straight – it’s YOU who is pregnant and YOU who will go through the process of labor and delivery. What this means is that it should only be YOUR feelings that matter and no one else’s. For this reason, you need to get into ‘ignore mode’ for anything and everything that others have to say or think, and come to a decision based completely on your preferences and the way you feel.
Now, if your mum is a bit broken-hearted about the fact that you do not want her in the delivery room, make up for things by giving her some very ‘important’ tasks. For instance, if you have older children, tell her that you need her support in looking after them while you're at the hospital. If you press on how important these things are, there’s a good chance that she will feel involved and will get over the entire heartbroken episode real quick!