Think about it…you are in a warm cocoon and suddenly get thrust into an unknown, busy world. As adults, we have adjusted to the sounds, smells, sight, and touch of everything around us, but babies need time to get used to their surroundings too. It is no wonder they get fussy from time-to-time and we just can’t calm them no matter what we try. Some parents get so frustrated they begin to detach from their infants; throwing up their hands and declaring, “My baby hates me”.
All of us would like to think that our baby loves us, but how do we know when baby is just not happy with Mom and/or Dad? Here’s a look at some signs that might make you think that your baby would pull a Donald Trump and shout, “you’re fired” if he or she could.
15 Baby Doesn’t Know Who You Are
Not everyone feels an automatic connection to their child after birth, but studies show that human contact is vital to a babies’ emotional development. Today many hospitals encourage parents to hold their babies skin-to-skin for several minutes per day so that their baby becomes familiar with their touch, scent and even the sound of their heart beating. The other issue at play is that if babies and their mothers are separated at birth, as is the case with premature or ill babies in need of special care, the bonding process can be delayed and difficult.
14 Baby Won’t Flirt With You
You’ve seen other babies who are a few months old do it, but for some reason unknown to you, your baby will not respond to facial expressions, such as smiles or goofy looks. Your baby seems detached, looking away at other people or other distractions in the room. By now he or she is used to life on the outside and is no longer sleeping all day long so should be able to pay attention to his or her mother or father and interact with them.
13 Baby Won’t Latch on to a Security Blanket or Toy
According to child psychologists when babies reach about 12 months old, they usually latch onto a blanket or stuffed animal, which represents the love between parent and child. The experts say it is love that your child can control. There are many cases where babies don’t want anything to do with a blanket or plush toy. The parents find this odd and frustrating since they think it would make their child feel more safe and secure.
12 Baby Won’t Look at You
They say that a baby can recognize his or her mother’s face right from birth so what must it feel like when your baby won’t look at you at all? You want him to memorize your face so that he knows you and can take comfort in seeing that face all the time – the face that will always be there for him/her.
11 Baby Won’t Kiss You
A lot of babies attempt to kiss around 12 months. They are usually wet and sloppy smooches, but they prove that baby loves you. When everyone else’s baby is doing this and you ask your baby for a kiss, but he/she refuses it can be heart breaking. You start to wonder if you have body odour or if you are a bad parent.
10 Baby Doesn’t Want You to Pick Him/Her Up
How many times have you heard a parent say that their toddler wants to be picked up all the time by Mom or Dad but no one else? Many babies are notorious for constantly holding out their arms and positioning their bodies towards Mom or Dad. They can’t speak in order to say, “Please pick me up”, but their body language speaks volumes. When a toddler doesn’t do this very often or doesn’t want to be picked up by Mom or Dad, it is the parents that feel a sense of rejection. It is easy to see why a parent might think little Johnny hates me.
9 Baby Pulls Away From You
It is natural for toddlers to pull away from a parent and crawl or run back; however, when a baby just runs away from you and it appears he would rather be alone in another room as opposed to being with you, it can be agonizing. A parent starts to ask, why their baby doesn’t act the same way other baby’s do or why does the baby not want to be with me – am I not entertaining enough?
8 Baby Doesn’t Show Excitement When He/She Sees You
Most toddlers jump up and down or squeal when they see their parents after a long day without them or in many cases just a few hours without their Mom or Dad. Babies usually react to being reunited with big gurgles or smiles. Parents who experience a lack of excitement upon reuniting with their baby say they think their child just could not “care less whether they are with them or not”. They may as well be Casper the ghost because they get no reaction as Mom and Dad.
7 Baby Ignores What You Do
We have all heard that parents’ lead by example and that begins at a very early age. However, there are some cases where baby just doesn’t seem to give a hill of beans what you are doing, but instead does his own thing. Many parents feel a sense of warmth in their hearts when their little ones copy what they do. A perfect example of this would be a toddler cooing at a doll, much the way a parent coos at his or her own child. Psychologists say toddlers tend to imitate the activities and behaviours of the people they love the most so if your child is not following your lead, it is easy to see why you might jump to the conclusion that - her or she just doesn’t like me.
6 Baby Doesn’t Run to You When He/She is Hurt
When a toddler or young child gets hurt they always want their Mom or Dad. Normally, no one else will do, so if your child does not run to you first to kiss his booboos and hug his hurt away, this can make you feel worthless as a parent. It can make the most stable parents feel that their child just doesn’t need me.
5 Baby Behaves Badly For Everyone
So this one is going to sound bizarre. Moms often talk about how their toddler’s bad behaviour only occurs when they are with their son or daughter. They conclude that, “my child must hate me”. They find it exhausting and wish their husbands and relatives could be exposed to it more often to see just how tiresome it can be, yet when a toddler or baby does behave badly in front of everyone, parents often jump to the conclusion that they are doing something wrong; that their kids must hate them because they are embarrassing them and since they created the monster, they were not cut out to be parents. So – essentially no matter what category your child falls into – he or she hates you!
4 Baby Doesn’t Care When You Leave Him/Her
Most kids, especially those who are babies and toddlers, who have a strong attachment to their parents, will freak out when Mom or Dad leaves them. Separation anxiety is a sign that baby knows that the person he/she loves the most is different from other people and about to disappear. Baby doesn’t like it when what he or she loves is out of sight. When parents see this separation anxiety happen time and time again with other families and it never happens with them, they are left wondering, why their child just doesn’t care if they disappear.
3 Baby Never Laughs
It is an amazing moment when your baby laughs for the first time. This often takes place when babies are around 3 to 4 months old. It tells parents that baby feels content and safe in his/her surroundings. After a while baby will figure out that you know what he/she likes and will start to laugh as he/she anticipates your antics. When you jump up and down, make silly gestures, try tickling his tummy or blowing on his belly and get no response, you are left wondering what is wrong. For mom’s who spend a lot of time with their babies they ask the question, “Don’t I make him/her happy?”
2 Baby Cries All the Time
All babies cry when they are tired, hungry, wet, have gas or are not feeling well. There are also babies that cry all the time. These situations can be difficult, particularly for first time mothers. They tend to blame themselves; thinking they are “horrible mothers”. Now if you leave little Susie in wet diapers too long or keep her out hours past her bedtime then yes, she just might give you a hard time so it is best to pay close attention to your habits to make sure they concur with a baby’s needs.
1 Baby Refuses to Latch onto the Breast
For most babies, breastfeeding comes naturally but others have a hard time, and mothers who still have fluctuating hormones often jump to the conclusion that baby doesn’t like me. This of course could not be further from the truth and sooner or later a mother’s rational side realizes this. Not being able to latch on to a mother’s breast is nothing personal. There could be a number of reasons why the baby can’t latch and suck. The good news is there are experts that can help you get to the bottom of the problem.
While it is true that detachment from your child can impact how they feel about you, there are very few cases where a baby “hates” his mother or father. Hate is a strong emotion and when you are a baby or toddler psychologists say you have not learned about real hatred, you only know when you feel uncomfortable. A baby’s behaviour is not designed to tell a parent that you are “useless and I don’t want you to be my mother or father”. It is normally a sign that they aren’t feeling well, are tired, are bored, are restless or they are simply still learning about love.
In all seriousness, the list above is really what parents perceive as signs their child hates them. Child behaviour experts insist that the truth is, society expects us to bond right away with our kids, but that doesn’t always the happen. With some families it can take time. Deep, unconditional love can come later. Any feelings of failure or frustration disappear when the power of baby’s love takes over.
It is important to note that some women can suffer from post partum depression following birth. These mothers need medical intervention to help them feel better physically and emotionally, as well as to help them develop a bond with their baby.