When we announced our second child was on the way (and that we'd have two under two), a few people asked: "Do you guys know how this happens? A silly question, because obviously we knew how it happened and we were doing it enough to warrant a second baby. Ha!
Fair warning: if you're family, friend, or just prudish, you might want to skip this one. Mom, you're also a prude sort of, so just stop reading now.
Okay, now that she's gone: sex after kids, yo. It's weird and awkward and can make you feel so unsure. Bodies have changed and nothing seems to be as it once was. But it can also be a joy to celebrate your budding family with some good old fashioned horizontal polka.
After delivery, some moms experience tearing in their vagina and perineum. Yes, I just said vagina. Get used to it. Sometimes the resulting scar tissue makes sex painful. Even women who don't have scar tissue can experience symptoms that mimic menopause - vaginal dryness, hot flashes, night sweats, decreased sex drive. This is most common in the first three or four months after baby is born.
Even in the best case scenario, with stable hormones and supportive partners, sex as a parent can still be daunting. The first go-round after birth brings up a lot of uncertainty. A good friend and I joked, "I'm a little scared of what it's going to feel like, since the last thing that happened down there was pretty graphic." (It doesn't actually feel that different for most moms, by the way.) I will admit I was afraid of getting pregnant again, especially after my daughter was born. Mentally, I can't wrap my head around having another baby right after having on. Give my lady bits time to recover!
I'm incredibly lucky to have married my best friend. Stephen is thoughtful and considerate and wants our sex life to be as enjoyable for me as it is for him. Because he knows I need a little more time to unwind and "get in the mood", he will send me to pamper myself or will make sure the dishes are done so I can relax. He knows that if I can have a moment to be myself instead of being a touched-out mom, I'll be more receptive.
With busy schedules that involve a nursling and a go-go-gadget toddler, I've found it's really hard to find time for sex. In fact, I have to schedule intimate moments with my husband. Yes, as in, I add it to he family calendar. If I don't visually carve out that time for us, I'll inevitably fill those hours with something from my never-ending to-do lists. So, scheduled sex it is!
Whew! We survived! We talked about sex and no one died from embarrassment! But, really: sex is still awesome after kids. There are some folks out there who keep up the same pace, and others who find they don't have the same drive they used to. Regardless, sex is meant to be enjoyed. If you, for any reason, aren't enjoying sex after baby, talk to your doctor about it. You're a mom - Lord knows you deserve a little sex time to feel good about.
Do you also have to schedule sex now that you have a kid or kids? How did sex change for you after baby? Nothing is scared on Twitter - @pi3sugarpi3