Mamas, I really need to stop f***ing saying sh*t in front of my kids.
Every day, Shep learns at least one new word. He practices his words by pointing at things and naming them: Blanket, Cup, Juice, Cheerio. Yesterday he tried out the words "feather", "welcome", and "pink". It's been an amazing journey from the little guy I knew six months ago. Ok, so in complete honesty: I had kind of a complex about Shep's verbal skills when he was younger. My husband reassured me Shep was fine. Our pediatrician concurred. But it's hard not to let mom-guilt consume you. Had I failed him as a mom? Did I need to get a speech therapist for him? When will he speak?
By the time he turned two last month, Shep was exploding with language. Three days before his birthday, he woke up and immediately started repeating every word I said. Before that day, it was like pulling teeth to get him to mimic us with speech. All of a sudden, everything had a name and he had to know it.
Which brings us to today. Shep is repeating what we say and it isn't necessarily fit for a two-year-old. I cuss. A lot. I love Jesus, but I cuss a lot. It's a thing, it's not a thing I'm really proud of. At times I've been far worse; other times I've been significantly better about it.
I want to pause for a moment to reassure you - I'm not throwing stones here. Hello, glass house! If you have zero issues with swearing in front of your kids, or them learning how to swear at a young age - more power to you. You do you. It's true that I'm probably a little old school about this particular thing.
It's more important to me that Shep says "Please" and "Thank You" than he doesn't say "a**hole". Since he's repeating after me now, and I'm home with him all week, I need to clean up my act.
While we drove on Sunday, my husband shushed me after I dropped an f-bomb. I apologized, "Oh, shit, I'm sorry! I didn't meant to, shit. Dang it!" Yup. I swore twice in the process of apologizing for swearing in front of my child. Luckily my husband is good-natured and we both laughed it off. But it bothers me - it seems like some sort of personal failure to swear when I know I shouldn't. Part of me wants to dive headlong into the "it's fine to swear" club. It would be easier, wouldn't it? To lean into the adult language and claim that it's preparing my kids for the real world. I wouldn't have to self-censor, think before I speak, or use curse alternatives that make me sound like an old lady. "Mother of Pearl!", "Son of a biscuit!", "Flarfegnoogan!"
This is probably something I should have decided upon before actually having kids that can talk back to me. I don't want my kids to teach other kids to swear, and I certainly don't want them to make a scene in the middle of a f***ing wedding to be immortalized forever.