A study reveals that 88% of women wanted support after a miscarriage and 75% of them did not receive the support that they needed.
Miscarriages are very difficult and traumatic. Unless you have experienced one first hand you have no idea how it feels to be so close to having a baby and then losing them in almost an instant. You are filled with tons of guilt, people ask, "what did you do wrong?" Women who have experienced miscarriages might even get, "well, what are you going to do next time to avoid that from happening again? Some people assume that the woman did something wrong and that she was the reason the miscarriage occurred. Women feel like they failed, and they suffer from losing a baby that they almost had.
Many people don't talk about miscarriage. They keep it to themselves. They fight the pain and trauma by themselves. Some women might not talk about it because they are embarrassed, and others may believe that nobody wants to hear about it. Even when women do talk about their miscarriage many people blow it off like it is nothing. In fact, a study revealed that 75% of women who have experienced a miscarriage felt unsupported during that traumatic time. In the study, it showed that 88% of the women who suffered from a miscarriage were hoping for support through their trial.
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The latest episode of @fertilitypoddy features a conversation with psychotherapist and counsellor @julia_bueno_therapist on her new book 'The Brink of Being'. Julia talks about miscarriage and the narrative around it, as well as her own experience and her work with us at the Miscarriage Association. You can listen here: http://fertilitypoddy.libsyn.com/talking-about-miscarriage?tdest_id=575868
Many women shared that some people tried to give them support, but never knew exactly what to say or what to do. Sometimes people don't know what to say and so they don't support the woman at all. Most women who experienced a miscarriage said that they would hear things like, "at least you weren't that far along" or they would hear "at least you can try again." Some women even said that they heard the adage, "everything happens for a reason." None of these are helpful and can lead to the woman feeling even more lonely.
One woman shared that when she suffered from her first miscarriage she was told by the doctor that she should just go home and rest. She was treated like a number. She wasn't instructed on what to do next or how to deal with the emotional issues involved with losing her child. Another woman said that she had three miscarriages all at different points during her pregnancy and each of them hurt. She said that no matter when you lose your baby in the pregnancy you know that you have lost a baby that you had imagined holding one day and therefore miscarriages are always hard.
There is certainly a gap in the healthcare system and women are not provided with support when they experience a miscarriage. They are just told to go home and to relax. They are not directed to a support group or any type of counseling to help them with the grief. Yes, miscarriage is very common, but that doesn't mean that it is easy for any of the women. We need to start providing women with support groups to help them with the emotional toll of miscarriages.