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Things I Can't Believe I've Said To My Children

Before I became a mother, I had all sorts of ideas about how I was going to parent. In my imagination, I am wearing stylish jeans in my high school pant size, carrying a $700 diaper bag. I also clearly practice yoga. More importantly: imaginary Amanda-mom never yells at her kids, loses her patience, needs a break from being touched, or skips her skincare routine. My imaginary children are well-mannered and behave exquisitely. They both have careers as child models as well as a natural talent for music. Never have they thrown tantrums, disobeyed, broken glass, bitten someone, or pooped on their grandma. This perfect behavior, of course, is surely due to my perfect parenting.

Before I had kids, I was going to be such a perfect parent that my life would actually be in soft focus. Via The Natural Parent/Stacey Lake Photography

Ha. Hahahahaha. Ha. Oh, my.

Ground Control to Major Mom! Back to reality. Look, I love my kids. Deeply. Ferociously. But I am certainly no saint of a mother, and they are most definitely not always well-behaved. Heck, most of the time it's hard to keep them clean - let alone calm and quiet. Shep has done some entertaining (read: hilarious) things in his life, to be sure. But adding baby Rory to the mix? We've become a walking comedy. Women give me sympathetic glances in the grocery store aisle. Grandmothers coo at Rory and tell Shep he has gorgeous curls; some trap me in the deli section with long-winding tales of the grandchildren they have (or don't have).

Much of parenting is cute and warm and fuzzy. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't also a total sh*tshow at times. Without further ado: things I can't believe I've said to my kids.

Things I've Said

This is pretty mild, if I'm being honest. I'm sure more veteran mothers have a few really winning stories they recall. Yes, I want my child to behave. But I also need to have fun doing it - because toddlers, by their nature, are defiant and disobedient and sticky/gross.

 

 

What's the craziest thing you've ever said to your kid? Tweet at me @pi3sugarpi3 or follow me on Instagram to hear more crazy things I say to my own kids @sugarpi3honeybunch.

 

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