Why Toddlers Are Actually Just Tiny Pro Wrestlers

My daughter and I went to a birthday party over the weekend. There were about ten kids there, including her, and it was a completely new and exciting environment.

I could tell she had a lot of fun eating different snacks, playing with toys that weren't hers (thanks for sharing, friend), and watching the others move about freely, doing things that only big kids can do. She even had a front-row seat to a toddler takedown when one girl put a little guy in a chokehold and plopped backwards with him. Side note: He was fine and everyone thought it was hilarious.

Later that night, as the rest of my family slept, I decided to turn on the television while I got ready for bed. We chose to cut cable over three years ago, so our channel options are slim and only grow worse as the night goes on.

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I picked the gentle, tranquil Ring of Honor Wrestling, climbed into bed, and briefly spaced out as I replayed some the day's events. That's when my mind went back to the body slam at the birthday party, and I reheard one mom's words, "She's pulling a full nelson!" over all the laughter. It made me realize that toddlers are scarily similar to wrestlers, and for more reasons than the obvious.

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Why? First of all, because their outfits are outrageous. Lately, I've seen several moms talk about picking their battles; more specifically, they're choosing to surrender to their toddler's clothing choices.

One little girl wouldn't change out of her Halloween costume before church, so off they went- the whole family plus Jesse the Cowgirl. On a separate occasion, last week I ran into a mom and son who was clad in his Halloween costume at the store. He was so proud to be dressed as a firetruck. His mom was so tired and so over it. In terms of the Ring of Honor cast, I wonder who is on which end of that dynamic, the wrestlers or the costume designers. It's a toss-up.

They also never "let it go." It seems there's always something to whine about in the world of pro wrestling, especially after a loss. The wrestlers will fight until the bitter end, sometimes choosing to attack their opponent after they've moved on and left the ring. Do you think you're in the clear, buddy? Boom. A sudden fist drop to the back of your head will make you think otherwise. There's no shortage of excuses either — just like living with a toddler.

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Lastly, they're all overly dramatic. What do you think of when someone mentions the word wrestling? My mind goes to the theatrics, the fake tempers, and the volatile mood swingsall things that toddlers have going for them too. Add the crawling on the ground, the jumping-off things, the atomic noogies and the big boots and the backhand chops, and there you have it: the same savagery and unnecessary tantrums on a much smaller scale. You could probably charge admission if you wanted.

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