Many women have their newborn and while the moments with baby are filled with joy and love, they begin feeling a need to find other moms that can relate. Sharing tips and stories with each other can help you find an answer to something you’ve been struggling with or if nothing else, makes you feel not alone.

Eventually, you reach out to a mom group or find yourself talking more and more with the friend that has just had a baby versus your non-parent friends. Maybe you’ve connected with a few preschool moms as your child begins attending.

Some of these moms will be your saving grace – always with the right words of encouragement, acceptance and support during the biggest change of your life. Others will begin to make you feel less-than or unequipped for the job at hand. They have unwarranted comments or just leave you rolling your eyes at the thought of getting together with them again this week.

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How do you identify toxic mom friendships and what can you do about them?

She’s Full of Judgement

The conversations about breastfeeding, discipline and getting away with your husband for the weekend quickly become criticism and comments about how THEY would do it differently. “If you’re getting criticized over breastfeeding choices, your inability to afford organic food, or your refusal to try a new parenting trend, you need to take a look at your mom friends,” Ossiana Tepfenhart wrote for YourTango.

These are the know-it-alls. They know the best way to parent in all categories and you walk away feeling terrible. Perhaps you feel terrible because you are doubting yourself. Instead, find the things in your parenting you are proud of and hold on to that.

Purewow suggests owning your envy of other mothers who seem to have it all together – and then remember they don’t. Next, reaffirm what you value the most about your parenting and when you mention something you’re concerned about and she begins advising you on the way she would handle it, you can always say, “You may be right….” and change the conversation.

She Complains – A lot

These moms, according to SarasotaManatee are looking for validation and to let off steam. Every conversation is a downer and she refuses to see how she plays a part in the life she’s living. It’s understandable that moms need to vent about their concerns now and then, but we have enough to worry about to deal with someone who is negative at all times. We need support and positivity. The best way to deal with a complainer is to validate her grievances, express sympathy and then redirect.

Most complainers do not want advice, they aren’t looking for a solution. So, give it your best, “I know that can be stressful!” and then change the subject. Being completely honest with the complainer may also help. Sometimes we fall into a rut of complaining and don’t realize that we’re doing it.

Share with your friend that she seems really stressed lately and the negativity is bringing you both down. Challenge her with a night out of all positive – all evening and have fun.

She Takes Advantage

We all know the mom who is constantly asking you to pick up her child from soccer practice or watch the baby while she runs to the hair appointment. There’s nothing wrong with helping out a friend but she should be willing to help you in the same way. Psychologist George Simon calls this “covert-aggressive” behavior. They are literally taking advantage of you and being actively manipulative.

Friends lift each other up. Yes, there will be the time you’re in a tricky situation and need a last-minute babysitter and that’s okay. Be sure the boundaries are drawn and the friendship and support goes both ways. Otherwise, she’s doing all the taking and it will wear down your friendship (and you) quickly.

She’s a Leech

In more ways than one. Some moms only want to hang out if they get something out of the time. Maybe they borrow money or maybe you sell Mary Kay and they can get some free samples. Maybe they aren’t trying to take advantage and are genuine in their friendship but want to take all of your time. “They are way to eager and way to emotional because they get hurt over everything,” said SarasotaManatee.

Befriending a person who sucks the energy out of you every time you chat is exhausting. Setting boundaries and limiting time together is the best way to get your message across and save you the phone blow ups and constant invitations.

Sometimes we just can’t avoid it or get out of the situation. As your kids grow up together and become friends, you might be stuck with a toxic mom at a playdate. Don’t be afraid to distance yourself from those particular invitations – there will be others. Don’t continue to attend a mom group that makes you feel bad about the way you are parenting your children. If anyone understands the stress, concerns and questions motherhood brings, it should be another mother. So, if you’re not receiving support and acceptance, it’s time to find new friends.

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Sources: YourTango, Purewow, Sarasota Manatee