With COVID-19 still impacting the world, I think it's best for me and my family to wait on having another baby. My daughter wasn't even six months old before the talk of another kid came up. The conversation typically started randomly in the middle of a completely different conversation, too. I would be talking about reality TV and my friend or my mom would ask me when I was going to have another baby. How rude, right? Here I am with an independent toddler who demands all of my attention and everyone is ready to have another one.
The mere thought of being pregnant, gaining more weight, complications with my fibroids and potentially having another c-section is daunting, to say the least, however, I slowly reasoned with myself that my daughter could use a sibling or two. In addition to being an older mother, the decision to have kids isn't something I can ponder on for too long. I am almost at the point where if I am going to have more, I need to get started soon preferably in the next year or two.
At the beginning of this year, I decided I was going to look for more stable job opportunities and wean my then 15-month-old daughter. The plan was to potentially explore going back to college and to move into a bigger place. I just knew I would be decorating a new apartment before the end of 2020. But then the world changed forever. I'm an 80s baby so I've seen my fair share of national emergencies; I've lived through Desert Storm, Afghanistan War, 9/11 and the recession in the mid-2000s. I've survived it all and with a bit of maneuvering and planning, I knew my family would get through this global pandemic, too.
However, things aren't as simple as that. Right before the lockdown, I had experienced a medical emergency. I went to the hospital because my body was acting weird and I had bad cramps. I knew I was wasn't pregnant but because I am still nursing, I don't have normal periods. Ever since I've given birth, my cycle has been random and unpredictable. So when I do have my period, it is extremely heavy and painful. I contribute the heaviness and pain to my fibroids. However, this time they got so bad, I had to go to the hospital because I couldn't do anything but lay in bed and go to the bathroom.
After being treated and medicated, I started feeling better and things started to go back to normal for us. But little did I know that was the last time I would see anything remotely to normal. At first, I rationalized that we would need to stay put for maybe a month. I figured if everyone thought could stay inside just buckled down and allowed the essential workers to work, we would possibly be able to find some normalcy in several weeks. Boy, was I wrong. I think it set in that this pandemic was going to change our lives when I couldn't order diapers for my baby.
I then thought to myself, what would this experience be like if I were pregnant right now? For my first two trimesters, I was ok. I didn't gain much weight and my vitals were ok. But my third trimester was horrible. I had preeclampsia with soaring high blood pressure and alarming weekly weight gain. I was at my doctor's office every week and sometimes twice for further examination. But with the coronavirus outbreak, I knew that the care I got would be non-existent. I would have to give birth alone, without my partner or possibly a birth support person. If my baby had any issues, I would be separated from them after birth from an undisclosed amount of time.
My birthing experience was traumatic for me and I was in good hands, which is saying a lot as a Black mom. But because of the lack of quality of care Black moms get while pregnant, I can only imagine that experience paired with the pandemic. As I thought about getting pregnant during the pandemic, I thought about the possibility that I could have complications like a miscarriage if I ever caught the virus myself. I don't want to risk that. According to Science Mag, pregnant women with COVID-19 have a higher chance of ending up in an ICU than women who are not pregnant.
It's not just the birthing experience that I thought about but just the support I would need from my family and friends. All my support would be through FaceTime or Zoom. I wouldn't get to hug people at a baby shower or have friends visit me if I were pregnant now and that makes me sad for other moms, especially new moms.
It's hard to plan for the future when living in the present is daunting enough. I am grateful that my family has been able to remain safe and healthy for now, but that can change anytime. I often think about if I wasn't able to breastfeed my baby and depended on formula just to be met with the "out of stock signs" everywhere. The hoarding people have done during this pandemic has revealed how selfish and inconsiderate others can be. Nobody thinks about the families who might not have the extra resources saved to plan far ahead—which makes me think, do I want to deal with that being pregnant?
So for now, I am tabling the idea of having a baby even though I know I am running out of time ( I set a timeline for myself on when I would be done with trying to have kids) but I will give myself another year or so before I really think about having another one. I can't imagine being pregnant now, just like I can't imagine sending my kids to preschool if she was old enough now. There is just too much uncertainty for me to really make a final decision.
Source: Science Mag, Harvard Health, CNN