As a parent, you will find yourself dealing with a plethora of discipline issues. However, one that truly stands out amongst them all is that of dealing with children who talk back. If truth be told, your child can start talking back at any given point of his life – right from the day he starts to say his first “NO.”
Irrespective of the reason why your child is talking back, it is an extremely sensitive yet serious issue that needs to be dealt with right away in the most effective manner possible. As a parent, it's necessary for you to teach your child how to express his opinions and wishes in a constructive and respectful manner. Here are a few tips that will help you deal with things when your child talks back:
10 Set Limits and Don’t Respond to Him
Parents at times continue reacting to back talk even when they have clearly won the argument. The reason why they typically do so is because they consider it their duty to respond to their children so as to train, teach and set limits for them. What the parents apparently have in mind is, “If you truly understood what I was saying, you would just accept my answer instead of talking back to me.”
Well let’s be honest – that really isn’t the most rational of mindsets, right? What it does is get parents into prolonged arguments, which they seriously don’t need to engage in. As a parent, you should not see backtalk as a challenge to your authority. As long as you accomplish your objective, your authority will remain unaffected.
Instead of going back and forth with arguments with your child, just stop. If your kid wants to pursue the conversation, ignore him. As long as you’ve given a reasonable explanation for a rule, your job is done.
9 Stop Arguing Right Away
You need to stop arguing with your child as soon as you give him a reasonable explanation. With it, you’ve won the fight and there is no need for you to go on and on with it. If you try to convince your child with arguments, he will continue to challenge you by talking back.
8 Focus On Your Child's Message
If your child feels that you don’t understand what he means, he is going to amp up his reaction in order to prove his point to you. For this reason, you must acknowledge his emotions so that you can be removed from the adversarial role.
To make things work, just focus on the message that he trying to convey by overlooking his tone. Talk about the situation as calmly as possible and make compromises wherever possible.
7 Draw the Line
As a parent, it's necessary for you to correct egregious behavior, but any minor irritating comments need to be ignored at all times. You need to remember that kids at times talk back because they want their parents’ attention. As long as you give your kid the attention he wants, there is a good chance that his bad behavior will continue.
Talking back is a totally unacceptable action and this is something that you have to make clear to your kid. If the behavior continues, there need to be consequences too. The consequences can be anything from limiting favorite activities to even giving him a time-out. Your child needs to understand that if he wants you to treat him with respect, he needs to show a bit of respect, love and care towards you too to deserve it.
However, your kid may at times want a bit of personal power and professionals recommend that you let him enjoy that power to a certain extent every now and then.
6 Don’t Have Further Discussions
If your child misbehaves or talks back, you must not offer him a second chance – there shouldn’t be negotiations. Here, you honestly need to avoid using the word ‘if’ (“If you do that again, I will…..”) because it is going to make you sound weak – you need to sound decisive if you truly want your child to pick up on it.
5 Offer Choices - Make Him Feel Valued
Giving your child a bit of control over the course of his day will go a long way in making him feel valued. The best part is that he will be less likely to feel the need to assert himself in ways that are outright inappropriate. For this reason, give him plenty of appropriate opportunities to make choices for himself. Say something like, “Would you rather go to the library or the park this afternoon?”
Here, what you need to make sure is that you offer acceptable choices and when he makes one, respect it. For instance, don’t give your child a choice between fresh fruits and ice cream for dessert if you just want him to eat the fruits. Also, if your child becomes overly nasty, refrain from negotiating, compromising or even discussing his opinion with him.
4 Don't Let Your Child Misbehave in Public
If you are in public when your child starts misbehaving, it's highly recommended for you to take him to a quiet spot and tell him that if he doesn’t stop behaving this way, he will have to face consequences. The consequences can be anything from canceling an upcoming sleepover to missing his favorite TV show.
3 Don't Put Up With Rudeness
You will get rudeness if you accept it, which is why you shouldn’t take it in the first place. A majority of parents just shrug things off when their kids start being rude. They say things like, “He’s just a kid,” but this isn’t the appropriate way for a kid to act.
Because parents keep accepting their behavior and dismiss it, kids keep behaving bad with them. Parents who put their foot down and refuse to tolerate rude behavior and backtalk tend to have children who aren’t rude. When their kids make a comment that they believe is unacceptable, they call their kids on it right away. They tell them when something they say is not OK and then ask for an apology after correcting their language.
2 Don’t Let Your Kid Get His Way
If your child exhibits disappointment, there's no need at all for you to get upset about it, because if you do, there's a good chance that he will use backtalk once again to get his way. As a parent, you need to know that your kid will not always be happy with your decisions. Just set the rules and enforce them for the sake of your child’s development.
1 When Things Get Rough
If you’re finding it hard to control your temper, let everyone calm down first and then call a family meeting to discuss things. To ensure that your child doesn’t get defensive, just tune him out and use ‘I’ statements. So if you want to make your child feel your pain, instead of saying, “You’re rude,” say, “I haven’t been standing up for my self-respect by letting you talk down to me.”