Ways to remember the ones we lost

Losing a baby doesn’t come easy. Whether it is through stillbirth, miscarriage or even shortly after birth, the grief is very real. However, it is rather normal for grieving parents to feel confused and isolated in their sorrow and loss considering that there isn’t any typical means of commemorating these babies along with no socially acknowledged way of grieving their demise.

If truth be told, upon the loss of a baby, there is initially an extensive support system that will cry with you and surround you in over. However, this support group tends to fade away. As the support fizzles out, you will find yourself not receiving the support you need to make it through this troubling time in your life. Due to societal restrains, nobody will send you a simple email or even wish you on your deceased little one’s birthday, thereby leaving you to suffer on your own.

In such times, making it through everyday life can get rather distressing. The struggle is very real and will not get you anywhere. For this reason, it is extremely important for you to remember your lost child and honor him. Talk about him and help your family members and friends remember him too. Trust me, honoring your baby is going to make it fairly easy for you to move on. Here are a few ways for you to remember the child you have lost:

7 Create a website or a blog

One of the best means of remembering the child you have lost is to create a blog or a website dedicated to him. Honestly speaking, this is going to help you pour your heart out as to how you feel about his demist or how you wish he was here to share life with you. There are multiple things that you can do on the blog or website that you create dedicated to your baby. To begin with, you can write entries where you speak out your true feelings, upload photos that you might have taken in the hospital, write poetry dedicated to your precious baby, and even put up a playlist of song s that remind you of him. Apart from all that, you may also consider putting up links to support groups that may help other grieving mothers. If you want, you can also provide links to advocacy groups that are focused on the legislation on stillborn research and parents’ rights (in case your baby was a stillborn child).

Put up images of your baby everywhere

In order to honor and remember your baby, you should put up photos of him around your home and even on the website or blog that you create. If you want, there are many amazing artists out there who are focused on creating memorial portraits that you might want to display here and there around your house. Also, if you lost your baby due to a miscarriage, you could have a copy of your ultrasound framed in your bedroom just to remember him. 

6 Celebrate your deceased baby’s birthday

Yes, it is extremely important for you to celebrate your baby’s birthday just as you would had he been alive. To begin with, fix up a yummy dinner and prepare dessert as a means of celebrating him and his birthday. Talk about him and if you had time to share with him, then tell your family members and friends stories of him. Write a card for him and get a present too. If possible, it is also recommended that you make a donation to your favorite charity in their name or get a memorial stone. Basically, what you need to do is to plan out something really special in his memory on his birthday.

In order to complete the party, get a cake (or bake one), serve ice cream with all the works. Make sure that you sing Happy Birthday to your baby as well even if it breaks your heart. On the whole, this party needs to be a celebration of your child’s life no matter how small it was. While you are at it, you can make things even more special by making and watching a slide show your child’s pictures along with family members and friends.

Release balloons

One of the most beautiful means of celebrating and remembering your child is that of having a balloon release. Pick a special place to release these balloons and invite your loved ones to it too. If you want, you can even attach letters to the balloons or a note describing your little one just to make it extra special.

5 Honor your angel by planning a service project

In order to honor your baby, you can also print out a service card to present to those that you are interested in serving. There are quite a few service projects that you can consider taking up. For instance, you can donate to the NICU, make donations to a food bank, bake cookies and serve them to local firemen or policemen, help out at a food kitchen that serves homeless people, find another angel family and donate a bear to them, help out an elderly family member or neighbor or even donate to a cause in your child’s name. Apart from that, there are many other options for you to consider as well in this regard. These include:

  • Give stuffed animals or books to your local children’s hospital
  • Donate gifts that you have received or the items that you purchased for your baby
  • Dedicate a day to performing random acts of kindness so as to honor your baby

If truth be told, there are countless different ways of serving people around you who you believe are in need – and honestly, it is one of the best means of remembering and honoring your precious child. Consider the different options you have and choose one or a few that you think you can handle easily.

Contact your local hospital(s)

To honor your baby, you could also get in touch with your local hospital(s) and see if they require any bereavement supplies. You could donate things like special frames, teddy bears, special clothes, knitted hats, molds for hand prints and even blankets.

4 Don’t let go of physical memories

In order to remember your child and honor his memory, it is highly recommended for you to hold on to his physical memories. Even if your child’s birth was sudden and you didn’t have much time to prepare or have lots of physical memories with you, whatever little you have should be held onto. For instance, even if you have a few photos of your child and his footprint, even these needs to be kept safe with you so you may view them whenever you start feeling upset over his demise. Having something tangible at hand, no matter how big or small, can prove to offer huge comfort. Even if you don’t have photos and more (in case you lost your child due to miscarriage), hold on to his ultrasound scans – the comfort you will get from them will truly give you peace. You could also consider holding back any clothes that you may have brought for him prior to the miscarriage.

There are plenty of reasons why it is recommended for you to hold on to physical memories of your child. When you start feeling depressed, you could always take out the memorial items that you have held on to after the death of your child and reminiscence over the times – no matter how short or long – that you got to share with him.

Consider working at a local hospital

In order to provide support to other mothers like you, it is also highly recommended for you to work at community hospitals. There, you can make initiations like providing disposable cameras to other grieving parents who have just lost their angel, thereby helping them in remembering their babies.

3 Plant a special garden or tree

If you truly want to make things special in terms of remembering your lost child, then it is highly recommended for you to plant a tree or create a special garden. This way, you will have a special place completely dedicated to your child – and of course, you can use this space to visit, sit and remember your precious angel. One of the finest choices that you have in this regard are flowering trees. Also, if you plan on planting a garden, it is highly recommended for you to put up bushes and flowers that tend to attract butterflies. Make sure that you add in wind chimes or a cute bench as well to your garden.

To be honest, it is best for you to use your imagination and creativity as a means of creating a gorgeous garden for your lost child. Also, if you have surviving children, it is highly recommended for you to make them a part of the whole process. If they want, your children can also create their own memory stone for the garden.  In case you plant a tree to honor your baby, your children can also spend a bit of time at its base and reminiscence over the times they spent with him or think about the things they could have done had he not passed away.

Gardens and trees benefit all

Beautiful, vibrant trees and gardens benefit everyone. By planting a tree or creating a garden in the loving memory of your child, you will benefit not just this generation, but future ones too. 

2 Celebrate the Day of the Innocents

Although celebrated in Spain, the Day of the Innocents is one that you should consider celebrating as well in honor of your deceased child. This particular day is celebrated on the 1st of November and is known as Dia de los Inocentes or Day of the Innocents. The day is celebrated one day before the Dia de los Muertos or Day of the Dead. On the whole, this particular celebration is meant to honor children who have passed away.

On this day, there are many special things that you can do to honor the memory of your child. For instance, you can cook up a delicious dinner and talk about your precious angel as the whole family gets together to eat. If you want, you can even invite close family members and friends for lunch or dinner on this special occasion. As all of you get together, dealing with the pain of losing your beloved child, irrespective of whether you lost him through stillbirth, miscarriage or shortly after birth will be much easier. The support that your friends and family members provide on this day to you will definitely help calm you down. If possible, you can even honor your child’s memory by releasing balloons just as you would on his birthday.

Facts about the day

November 1st is basically celebrated in various parts of Spain to honor infants and children who have died. The day is called Dia de los Inocentes as well as Dia de los Angelitos or Day of the Little Angels. So, if you wish to remember your deceased child, make sure that you celebrate this day too!

1 Random acts of kindness go a long way

This particular means of remembering your lost child is not just simple in most cases, but at times even free and is guaranteed to lift your spirits too. To be honest, performing random acts of kindness is amongst the most positive ways to carry your baby’s memory.

There are different ways to go about this approach actually. For instance, you can commit to performing one random act a day, or make it an annual event – it doesn’t matter because all that matters is that you’re doing something to benefit someone else. The best part is that this approach to honoring your child will go a long way in making your community and the world at large a much better place to live.

Make dedications and help others parents out too

There are quite a few things that you can dedicate in order to honor your precious angel. For instance, it could be a bench at the local playground, or you could even dedicate a brick there to him. Heck, you could even name a star after your child or dedicate a tree to him in an ornamental garden. There are quite a few ways for you to go about setting your baby’s name in stone or wood, and all of them will truly give you a beautiful memorial to visit whenever you feel like it.

Apart from that, you should also help out other parents who have lost their children. If possible, start a charitable group that is focused on donating things to parents who have suffered a loss. There’s also the option of volunteering as a grief counselor if you are interested in taking it up to honor your own child.

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