There are many different roles a mom could take. She could choose to be a working mom and keep her career while taking care of her children. She can choose to work part-time, so she feels she has time at home with her kids and then time out in the adult world. Then there is the stay at home mom (or SAHM for short) who chooses to stay home 24/7 and take care of her children. None of the roles are right or wrong, it all comes down to what is best for the family.
Being a SAHM is not for everyone, it can be a financial burden as the household loses half of its income, which is a steep price to pay in the current economic situation. It also can be a bit isolating, moms often lack a lot of the adult interaction that working moms get. Most SAHM’s say that even despite the challenges, they wouldn’t trade their lifestyle for anything.
How do their partners feel about that? Their husbands are normally the ones who are going out to work. They are often constantly stressed with the burden of bringing in most of the income that the family needs to survive. That must be hard on them, and there must be men out there who don’t feel appreciated. As far as they are concerned, they are the reason that their wife is able to stay at home with their child(ren).
Whisper confessions are a great way to find out how people really feel. It is a place where people are free to air their frustrations in complete safety because no one knows who they are. We went to Whisper to discover what some men really think about their SAHM partners. Some are very sweet, while others are shocking.
15 Do Your Chores!
There is an unwritten rule about a SAHM: that dad goes out and brings in the money, and mom stays home and tends to the children and the cleaning. Or, at least that is how most husbands see it. What they don’t see is the hours spent chasing the children around and that there is barely any time (or energy) left to clean the house. That is what this husband sees.
He confesses that he can’t understand why his house is always so dirty when his wife is a SAHM. He states that he goes over to other couple’s houses and they are clean as clean can be. The first rule is to never compare your situation to someone else. The second rule is to help your wife if she can not get everything done every day. When you are a SAHM, it is a miracle the house is even still standing at the end of the day.
14 Dad Feels A Bit Stuck
Here we have a dad who sounds like he is not too happy in his current relationship and wants to make a change. He states that he knows his wife manipulates him, but he feels like he can’t do anything about it. He states it is because his wife is a SAHM for their children and if he leaves her than she would not be able to provide for herself.
This is a big problem a lot of people see when it comes to being a SAHM. That they are stripped of a lot of life skills that would help them if their partner ever left them. That they are not employed so that they won’t have any income of their own if the relationship were to go south. This leaves a lot of unhappy dads feeling like they are stuck and that they can not get out of the relationship, because at the end of the day the mother of his children should be taken care of as well.
13 SAHM With Limits
There is no real limit to when you are allowed to be a SAHM, a lot of SAHM’s choose to go back to work once their children are in school full-time and the reason is normally because they are bored. Their children are gone and there is only so much one can do in a day, every day. This confessor not only agrees that women should go back to work when the children are in school, he demands it.
He states that he told his wife that she could be a SAHM until the kids were in school. He then states that the kids have been in school for years and his wife has made every excuse not to go back to work. This situation is not uncommon for moms trying to get back into the workplace after staying home with their children. A lot of time has passed since they have worked, and it is not easy to compete against other applicants who have never left and are up-to-date on their training and education.
12 HE Wants Appreciation!
The truth is, appreciation works two ways in any relationship. There should be equal appreciation for both the man and woman, because they both play different but important parts in the home. This confessor is feeling a little resentful that he works so hard so that his wife can stay home with the kids and he feels he gets zero appreciation for it. This is exactly the type of resentment that can ruin relationships and quickly.
It is not always the dads who feel that they are not appreciated, SAHMs feel under appreciated a lot of the time as well. There is a common stereotype that SAHMs sit in their pyjamas all day watching soap operas and eating chocolate. In reality, this is usually not the case and a lot of their work goes unnoticed, so it can lead to some resentful feelings on mom’s part too.
11 Who Wears The Pants?
There is always the joke in relationships about who wears the pants between the two. Who is the one who calls all the shots and seems to control a lot of decisions in the house? If we take this confession at face value, it would seem that the wife wears the pants. He states that his wife is a SAHM, but she controls all his paychecks even though he was the one who earned them.
There are a lot of inner roles each person makes in the relationship. There is usually one person who handles the finances and pays the bills. That doesn’t mean that the other person doesn’t know what is going on financially, they just aren’t as active in paying the bills and balancing the cheque book. This does not seem like a situation were her financial role has been previously discussed.
10 Manipulation At Its Finest
Here we have another confessor who is frustrated that his SAHM wife can’t seem to keep up with the cleaning as she should, so in order to ‘force’ her to clean, he invites people over. This sounds like manipulation to me. A lot of people do a frantic cleaning when they know that they have company coming over. They want their place to look neat, tidy and clean.
I think if the dad is inviting people over so that mom can have some adult interaction it is really amazing, but if he is doing it for the sole purpose of manipulating her into cleaning the house that would be wrong. Even though the dad goes out to work every day, the house still belongs to both of them and if he was more willing to help clean it may motivate her to work harder.
9 It Is Not Funny
This one will bring a cringe to any SAHM. This man states that he must hold in his laughter every time his wife complains about having it rough as a SAHM. The world is full of competition, and it seems like a lot of people want to compete with others who think they have it worse. The life of a SAHM is not something that is easily understandable to working dads. They see their life as very difficult, they must get up and go out to work where their boss may yell at them, their coworkers annoy them, or they don’t get a lunch break.
Listen, being a SAHM is not so different. Our toddlers yell at us, our toddlers annoy us and most days we do not get a lunch break. Sure, we get to stay home in our pyjamas all day, but it is not easy. It is this situation that makes SAHM mom’s wish that they could just switch roles with their partner, for just one day in hopes they will understand that it is not always easy.
8 Another Trapped Dad!
Here we have another dad who feels trapped in his relationship. He states that he is so unhappy and miserable in his marriage, but he feels like he can not just leave because his wife is a SAHM. This is a big issue, and it affects a lot more people than we probably know. Marriages change when children come into the picture, and some for the worse.
It can cause a lot of hard feelings and animosity between couples, and a lot of these couples feel that they need to stay together for the sake of the children. What they don’t realize, is that staying in an unhealthy and negative relationship is actually the worst thing you can do when it comes to children. It is much better to have a positive co-parenting situation than an unhappy marriage full of shouting and fighting.
Sometimes these confessions leave us all wanting more. More insight and information on why the confession is happening. This is one of those. This man simply states that his wife is not a very good stay at home mom. Why? This is what we all want to know. What does she do (or not do) that makes her a bad SAHM? It also is curious to know if the only reason he thinks she is a bad SAHM is because she doesn’t do things as he would. She may be perfectly fine, but due to ideals he holds close that she does not follow could force him to have this opinion.
Being a SAHM is not for everyone, just as being a working mom is not for everyone, and that is fine. If children are loved, kept safe and being cared for than they are going to turn out just fine. A mom needs to do what she feels is best and healthiest for her. A happy mom is a good mom and one that can care for her children.
6 It Isn’t For Everyone
Piggybacking off the notion that being a SAHM is not for everyone, we have a dad who is confessing that it is just not working for their family. He states that he works two jobs to make sure his wife can be the SAHM she has always dreamed of being. He then states that it is still not enough to bring in the income they need to support the family.
Sometimes, a woman may have every dream and passion of being a SAHM and their bank account will just not allow it. There are only so many jobs that a dad can hold down, and by asking him to work numerous jobs you are taking away his time that he gets to spend with his family. Money is an important thing for a couple to talk about when making the decision of one of them staying home.
This confession confuses me, he states that his wife has just become a SAHM and he hates it because now he doesn’t have any time for himself. Something about this makes me think that he is also at home, because I am finding it hard to decipher what his wife being a SAHM has to do with him not having any alone time.
Every parent needs time together as a couple, and even some time alone. Time where they are with only themselves and when they can do something that they enjoy. Whether it includes going out, or just staying in a separate room at home reading or watching a movie in peace. Both a working dad and a SAHM need this. Possibly, a SAHM needs it more as she is constantly surrounded by her children, and then her husband when he comes home from work.
4 It Is Only Lazy If …
Some confessions are a bit confusing, this one starts off as a compliment of admiration but then it goes south. He starts by saying that he understands how rough it can be to be a SAHM (finally). He states that it is rough, they always have to wake up early and they never have a day off. This is when the confession goes a bit south. He then states that it is lazy if the kids are already in school.
Unfortunately, if you are a SAHM when your children are in school, this man thinks that you are really lazy. There are a lot of SAHMs who find it difficult to go back to work after such a long break. They also do enjoy maintaining the home and being there when the kids get home from school. This means that they may sometimes find jobs that they can do from home.
3 Here Is A Good One!
We have come across a lot of dads who are not as supportive of their SAHM partners, so it is refreshing to read a confession from someone who gets it. He states that even though his wife is a SAHM, they make every financial decision over $200 together. He states that the money is just as much hers as it is his. This is sweet, and a hot conversation topic lately.
There has been some controversial conversation lately all based around money when it comes to a relationship were only one partner works. They see it as his money, because he earns it and should have the only say when it comes to how it is spent. They even go as far as to say that the wife should always ask her husband for money when she wants to buy something. Those who understand how a marriage works understand that it is all shared.
2 He Gets It!
Here is a dad who gets it. A dad who understands how hard it can be to be a SAHM and showers his wife with appreciation. He states that he is so proud of his wife, she is a stay at home mom for their 2 children and that he doesn’t know how she does it. He then states that he can barely handle one day. There are a lot of dads out there who take care of their children, and they are fantastic, but it is not the highest percentage.
Since the beginning of time, it has always fallen on the mother to be the main caring figure and nurturer in the family. While it may be less now, the trend is still there. There are still more SAHMs out there than SAHDs. All a SAHM really wants is an understanding and appreciation that what she does is not easy.
1 Stop, I’m Getting All Choked Up!
It was refreshing to start seeing some dads appreciating the work that their SAHM wives do, but now it is just making women jealous. This one is short, sweet and simple. It is a dad stating that he is thankful that his wife wants to be a SAHM, she has the hard job. Can we all get an amen! What SAHMs really want is acknowledgement that what they do is hard. They don’t really want everyone saying that they have it the worst because they know they don’t. They just want people to start saying that it is hard.
Due to the cost of living in today’s world, it is very hard for families to afford to have one parent stay home with their children. It is full of sacrifices. People are so quick to say that women who can stay home are privileged, but they aren’t. It is hard work, both physically and mentally, as well as hard on the family budget.