What Happens When A Mother Of Two Realizes She's Gay

A woman with two kids and married to her best friend discovered she was gay.

Melisa Raney is a freelance writer with two children. She shared an experience that would touch the heart of many around the world. Raney started her confession by saying that as a 36-year-old you would think that she would know herself very well.  You know what you like, what you don’t like, who you want to be and you have started officially grasping who you are as an individual. As an adult almost in your 40’s, you don’t think that you are going to make very many revelations about yourself. Raney shared that she was married to her best friend and together they have two amazing children! She had a perfect life.

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One day she was watching a show and she watched Kate McKinnon perform the song “Hallelujah.” Raney found out that McKinnon was a lesbian and that surprised her. McKinnon didn’t fit the stereotype that lesbians have. When she saw her singing her first thought was that she was her girl crush. However, it went beyond that. She said that she thought, “I want a relationship with a woman like that.” When this thought crossed her mind she felt awful because she felt like she was being unfaithful to her husband by thinking along those lines. It was that moment that would change her life forever. She was very confused at first. She said she had been with guys for over 20 years and she had already decided she was “straight.” However, it became clear to her that she was not straight.

It took her a few years to figure out about who she was and what she had been hiding for her whole life. She realized by not expressing who she truly was she was not actually living. That part of her was dying. She finally had the nerve to "come out" and it was very difficult. It was so hard telling her husband about her feelings. She didn't fully confide in him because she didn't want to hurt his feelings, but he didn't feel like all of his questions were being answered. He kept asking "are you a lesbian?" She didn't know how to answer him. Raney said " I felt alone. I was crumbling and desperately looking for someone who could relate. I Googled to the ends of the earth looking for stories like mine. They were few and far between -- and none seemed to touch on just how difficult the journey ahead of me could be."

Raney was hoping that she would wake up and she wasn't a lesbian. She was hoping this wasn't actually what she was feeling. In 2018 her marriage ended. She separated from her husband and it was the hardest decision. She started having to see her children less because they started doing shared custody. She joined a support group full of other women going through the "coming out" process. The group was led by a therapist and it helped her learn that everything was going to be okay. She shared that she was grateful she came out in this modern world. She told her followers on social media and nobody was phased and she was met with support and love. She told her kids that if she ever got married again it would be to a woman and they didn't seem to care.

It's been quite the journey. She and her ex-husband are learning how to co-parent while managing new relationships. They have been working hard to provide a good life for their kids even though it's not the typical family.

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