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What I Remember: Rory's Birth

A few weeks before my daughter's due date, my doctor told me that his official recommendation was to induce labor at 39 weeks. His reasoning, which was perfectly sound, was that ACOG's standards for women with gestational diabetes is to induce labor at 39 weeks. Let's be honest, I was in a lot of pain by that point. My symphysis pubis dysfunction had become so unbearable that I was looking forward to labor - at least that pain would be acute. So when he suggested that we induce at 39 weeks, I hesitated. Was I considering this because I just wanted this pregnancy to be over already? Or was I really making the call that was best for my baby?

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I agreed to the induction at my next appointment. It was a Monday, and the induction was scheduled for Wednesday. We left the doctor's office and I felt comfortable with my decisions, but I also felt anxious. My labor with Shep had been spontaneous. I'd heard that pitocin contractions were more painful. Honestly, I didn't know what to expect. That was weighing on me.

As soon as we got home, I realized how much I still had left to prepare before the baby came. Within hours, I was panicking. Had I made the right choice? Should I cancel the induction? I wasn't ready, couldn't I wait until this baby came on its own? I wasn't ready.

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For the gap between scheduling the induction and the big day itself, I had an ongoing low-grade anxiety attack. I know no better way to describe what else was happening or what I was feeling.

The night before the induction, we dropped our son off with his grandparents. He'd stay with them for a while, and they'd bring him in to visit his new sister after we'd both had a moment to recover. My husband and I prayed and went to sleep and I rested well. Finally, I had come to terms with the induction. On our drive to the hospital the next morning, we ate McDonald's breakfast sandwiches as a treat, and drank iced coffees. I cued up a soundtrack to make me feel strong and powerful - full disclosure, it was about 50% Hamilton tunes. The best memory from that drive? Singing "The Story Of Tonight" with my husband.

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I may not live to see our glory

But I will gladly join the fight

And when our children tell our story

They'll tell the story of tonight

Let's have another round tonight

Let's have another round tonight

Let's have another round tonight

Raise our glass to freedom

Something they can never take away

No matter what they tell you

Raise our glass to the four of us

Tomorrow there'll be more of us

Telling the story of tonight

The story of tonight

I realized that tomorrow, there will be more of us! Our family would grow and change in ways we couldn't possibly imagine.

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