Do you ever wonder what it feels like for a pregnant woman…you know, when she’s doing her thing with her man behind closed doors? Perhaps you already know, but do you recall the time when you were that woman and so wished you could get confessions from other pregnant women just to validate your feelings?
This is not a scientific report. It was birthed from approaching women who are and/or have been pregnant and asking them to give their sexual confessions in exchange for anonymity. It was one of those girl talks (because a formal interview setting would have been too restricting).
Women were asked just one thing: What does it feel like? They were not given any guidelines on how to answer. All that was required was their perspectives. In this article, these women – not the writer or theories – are the experts. The pregnant and/or women who did it while pregnant are the experts on their own experiences.
It’s just their views as they said it. What they want us to know about their sexual confessions is being shared with you. It’s not for the fainthearted. It may not be what you thought it is. It’s definitely not what I expected to hear. Share this article with others and see if they can relate. It certainly is an untold story. Open your ears. Brace yourself. This is not going to turn out the way you think.
A lot of the women described it as something that was sparked by curiosity. One said it was as though her tummy was a new toy and it brought with it so much excitement and experimental activities.
Some women even giggled about how their partners became obsessed in reaching the baby from inside and how such topics encouraged more physical intimacy. There were different opinions. On the one hand this experimental phase was a great plus for some couples and on the other hand, it was a cause of great discomfort to others.
The experimental things that their partners did to them:
- Attempting to “poke” the unborn baby.
- Popping their protruding bellybuttons in and out.
- Putting their ears on their tummy to try and listen to the baby.
- Asking if they were okay (lots of times).
- Speaking to the baby while making out.
“The weirdest thing for me was how my husband would start talking to our unborn child during our intimate moments. He would say things like, ‘Did you feel that little one? That’s your daddy. Mommy belongs to daddy, you are just in there for a little while, then daddy is gonna have mommy all to himself again’. He said it playfully and did not mean it in any spiteful way,” elaborated a former work colleague while crying with laughter.
She was fascinated by how he transformed from normally being quite behind closed doors to being so intrigued and fascinated by her belly that he was even making conversation with their then unborn baby. Oh and yes I asked, now that she was no longer pregnant, did he resort to his quiet ways again?
“My husband is so going to find this article funny when he reads it. You should send me the link and write it quick,” she chuckled as I listened intently to the answer. I could not help, but join in the laughter. “Soooo?” I asked which in turn made her burst into tears. “After the baby was born, we waited about two months before getting back to the deed. He went back to silent mode,” she answered.
“I can’t believe he wanted to do it!” said a newlywed virgin bride in her mid-30s. The shock in her voice and facial expression could not be hidden. For a second there I watched her complexion turn pale and then pink as she continued to speak.
Even without her getting into details, I reached for my pen and anticipated something I could not guess, but from her demeanor I knew something was coming. She paused as though she changed her mind. Takes a deep breath and another to regain her composure.
“I was a virgin when I met him and we only got intimate after we were married. So what we shared was very special to me. I knew I wanted a baby and seeing that I was already in my thirties, we didn’t waste time. However as my tummy grew, I felt like what we were doing was disrespectful to the little one,” continued the newlywed.
She alleged that perhaps it was because she had just began to explore her sexuality as she was not used to being touched by anyone or sharing her personal space with someone and inwardly felt like she needed more time to bond with her body and embrace the wonder of life happening inside of her.
It was overwhelming. Everything was happening so fast and he seemed so excited to finally be getting his husband’s share that he did not even realize that there was a disconnect. She did not tell him because she knew how much he loved her and he had already waited so long for her. She didn’t want to add another waiting period until after the baby was born.
“The only word I have to describe what I felt when my loving husband suggested that we get intimate was ‘disrespectful’. I pretended that I was just moody or taken aback by the hormones, but if I had it my way, we would not have done it at all in the third trimester. It was not magical, but shameful. I regret having put my baby through all that stress, even if it was just from my nervousness,” she concluded.
“I don’t think I am answering your question in the way that you want, but seeing that it’s an open ended question and you say I can share anything that I am comfortable to share and that I have the option of being anonymous, let’s go for it. Gosh, I really can be long winded at times hey?” said a woman I had met while waiting at a hotel lobby.
I had arrived shortly before check-in and so needed to wait, but there was no time to spare so I just sat down and converted the bench into a mini portable office. She was waiting for a shuttle. So we began to chat, Canada, pregnancy, kids and balancing work came up and somewhere after that, she added her voice to the conversation.
It’s interesting how you can get so many stories, even from people you barely know. Come to think of it, now that I am jotting down this piece, I didn’t ask if she was married to her partner or not. There are certain intrusive questions one is not at liberty to ask when you barely know someone.
“…You know, we had a lot of pleasure. I don’t know if it was the hormones or what, but I recall trying to convince him to have another baby even before I had given birth to my child. Even when we were not in bed, we just got along so much more.
“I saw a side of him I had never seen before. He’d massage my feet, say that we didn’t have to because all he wanted was for me to be okay, he spoiled me with lots of flowers and helped out so much more. When we did engage, there was so much pleasure. I loved my pregnancy journey and having him there made it so much better,” she concluded before receiving a call and jogging off to catch her shuttle.
4 Ruining My Sacred Space
This is by no means the truth of everybody, but the women that I managed to speak to in order to get their personal accounts. One reoccurring concern that most of the women felt – particularly with their first babies – was that it was a sacred time and their bodies were no longer just for sexual pleasure.
“I cried when my husband and I did it during my 8th month of pregnancy. By then I was so emotional, big, overwhelmed… I just broke down and cried. He stopped and held me. He knows me well and was shocked to see me cry, but could see from my tears that I was not in labor or pain. When he asked me why I was crying, I just held him close and said it was because I loved him so much.”
This woman – who also shares a mutual friend with me – had an emotional story to tell. She’s a very professional career orientated and strong woman. She’s self-confessed to be very independent. When I asked her what she was feeling and why she burst into tears she gave me laundry list of reasons.
- She felt like being intimate then with the baby already being so big was ruining her sacred space.
- She did not want to objectify her body and felt that it being used as a sexual vessel when she was ushering in new life and it created conflict within her.
- She loved him and did not want to disappoint him further, especially since their sexual life was already almost none existent due to their hectic work schedules.
“At first, I thought my fiancé would find me repulsive because I know how much he loves skinny girls. I was then shocked and pleasantly surprised that he found my growing body to be somewhat fascinating. I think it actually brought us a lot closer and made him realize a mature side of himself that he did not even know he had,” said a 23 year-old mother of a little baby girl.
She went on to describe how the entire ordeal was magical and exciting until her belly rapidly expanded. When the stretchmarks became more prominent, she was sure that he would shy away, but he didn’t. He stood his ground, held her so much closer and rocked her.
“We had a great time. I think the only thing that I downplayed was how uncomfortable it was. I did not want to dampen his energy and affection so I took one for the team. The truth is, it was totally uncomfortable,” she confessed.
It seemed that the more she spoke, she was being released. It was as though she was letting out something that had been bottled up deep inside and was not about to be released, lest it ever came out and hurt her husband. She opted to put her feelings aside and do what she thought was necessary to ease the tension between them that initially emerged when she discovered she was pregnant.
“My back was aching, my energy levels had dropped, I was leaking milk and the last thing I wanted was to be moved around from side to side while he excitedly embraced and explored my pregnant body. At times I had to remind myself of how much I loved him and that in turn would make me smile,” concluded the young mom.
She concluded by saying it was uncomfortable she was not just referring to the physical aspects, but the psychological matters too. She is glad she did not tell him because he had already stepped up so much and was even prepared to do her right and marry her, so she felt like it was the least that she could do.
For some women, being pregnant was such an overwhelming experience because their entire bodies felt new. Unlike when they ate a lot and gained weight on the hips, bum or tummy. This time it was not just gaining weight because they did not go to the gym or indulged in food, there was life inside their chambers.
“Wow, I don’t know how to describe it to you. Everything just felt so new. It was like we were at it as usual and then slowly there was a big protruding belly. Then there was limited movements. I recall one day laughing in bed because he wanted to toss me over, but I was so much heavier. We just stopped, switched-off and laughed. We still make jokes about it even now,” said a matured mom who said that she had been married for “ages.”
She described her sexual journey while pregnant as being something new. New in a sense that she had to adapt to the her expanding body and learn to explored her body and his during this special time. They had to learn to trust each other again and reassure one another that they were okay and the happiness of the other was important to them.
Her feet were swollen and nipples were sensitive. Her back pains were not something she had anticipated. There was so much newness that it did not feel that they had been together for many years. It was a new experience for her and she was delighted to share it with the man that she adored.
At times, rather than being intimate, they would cuddle up to watch TV. It didn’t really matter what they were watching, it just felt like their time to connect anew, even if it was no longer between the sheets.
She secretly wondered if he felt deprived during those months and “outsourced” the sexual aspect. They were already having a lot of arguments and she can’t pinpoint if he was being sweet or distant by agreeing to cuddle up instead of cuddle in the sheets.
“I recall trying to sneak a special request with my gynecologist while my partner went to the toilet. I tried to convince the doctor to tell my partner that it was not advisable to have sex during pregnancy… That should pretty much tell you a lot about how it felt for me,” said a friend.
She described how she interpreted sex with her partner as somewhat invasive. It was annoying and felt too close, too personal and too noisy. Before pregnancy she did not feel this way about being intimate with someone else.
Now that she was pregnant, she longed to feel sexy, be embraced, be held very tight, wake up next to someone and have someone walk the journey with her on a personal level, but sex in itself felt too much and was outside of her comfort zone.
“You know the story. The father of my baby did not want this child at all. He never pretended he was happy and said he wanted nothing to do with me. He was the love of my life and I could not believe how cold he was. He left me.
“We were already having an unstable relationship, but the unplanned pregnancy made it worse. I did not want a baby, but I love my ex and want him back and also love this child. She’s mine and I made her in love. I wonder if it would have made any difference if she turned out to be a boy…” continued my friend.
Even though I know this story, it made me sad to hear it again. I could not help, but feeling sorry for her and gave her a hug. She met someone else while she was pregnant; someone she initially thought was a rebound. The new guy did his level best to attend a lot of the checkups with her even though he knew it is not his baby.
He really stepped up and treated her very well. Ticked all the boxes and did her good. However, she was still dealing with a lot of pain. She said that he was very understanding and gentle. Just somewhere inside perhaps she was not ready to move on, but just needed a friend.