Most parents can’t wait to hear their baby call them ‘mommy’ or ‘daddy’ for the first time. It never gets old hearing your child call you ‘mom,’ which is why it can feel heartbreaking hearing your child refer to someone else this way. But it happens more often than you think.

You may feel frozen or panicked if you hear your child call someone else ‘mom.’ It’s okay to not know what to do. While you shouldn’t react in anger, you also shouldn’t ignore it. Below, we discuss how you can react to a toddler calling someone else ‘mom’ that will help them understand why this should be avoided.

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Understanding Why Kids Do This

Understanding why children may call someone else ‘mom’ can help you not take it personally. From a young age, kids associate this name with a caregiver. So, it’s not abnormal for them to call someone else ‘mom’ who they know takes care of them, despite that not being their mother.

Speaking to The Enchanted Aunt, Perryn Gutkowski, a licensed clinical social worker, echoed this sentiment. She called it an “expression of ‘I know you’re gonna take care of me.’” Children aren’t thinking about the significance that the title ‘mom’ holds. Rather, they’re looking to get their needs met. If they know a person looks after them, they’re going to naturally refer to them with the title they associate with caregiving.

It's even more common in younger children, especially toddlers since they have a limited vocabulary. At 2-years-old, your child is just beginning to understand the meanings behind words. They have limited resources (words) they can use to communicate their needs. Calling someone ‘mom’ is an easy way for them to identify someone they feel safe with, even if that person technically isn’t a parent. But at this age, they don’t fully understand the significance behind the term.

Don’t Take It Personally

With the above in mind, it’s important as the parent to not respond with anger or impatience. You don’t want your child to feel bad for doing something they may not realize is incorrect.

Your child calling someone else ‘mom’ isn’t likely a dig at you, especially when you’re talking about a toddler. It’s unlikely to have anything to do with you at all. Rather, take it as an indication that there’s someone else in your child’s life who makes them feel protected and cared for.

Whatever your feelings are, they’re valid. It’s easier said than done to not take it personally. It’s normal to feel threatened or upset hearing your child call someone else mom, but don’t let it get to you. Remind yourself of the reason your child is likely doing this. By no means is it a reflection of you as a parent.

Correct Your Child Gently

It’s okay to correct your child when they call someone else ‘mom,’ but there’s a right and wrong way to do it. You need to go about it gently. Don’t embarrass your child or make them feel as though they’re in trouble. Get down on their level, and say something like, “No, that’s not mommy. That’s your auntie. I’m mommy, sweetie.”

Acknowledge your child’s feelings and the special relationship they have with the person they’re calling mom. Say something like, “Does your auntie make you feel cared for? She’s a good aunt, right?” Repeat what your child should actually be calling the person (in the example, the child is confusing their aunt with mom).

Don’t expect your child to catch on right away. Say something and then move on, even if they’re not correcting themselves. Some kids may find it humorous to keep antagonizing you if they like the reaction you’ve given. Or, your child may be too young to understand why ‘mom’ is an exclusive title. Avoid making a big deal of it and accept that it may take your child time to adjust.

Others Need To Correct It, Too

You can’t be the only one correcting your child’s mistake when they call another person ‘mom.’ Other people in their life should be doing the same to help your child understand why mom is a title (usually) reserved for one person.

It's especially important that the person they’re calling ‘mom’ corrects them. They similarly need to do it gently and shouldn’t expect the behavior to correct itself immediately. But ignoring it when a child mistakenly calls them ‘mom’ only sends the message that it’s okay. It won’t help the child understand how a mom differs from other caregivers.

If you as the parent notice a habit forming in your child, sit down with the other person to have a talk. Make sure you’re both on the same page about how and when to correct the child’s slip-up. You need to have a team approach to this.

Sources: The Enchanted Aunt, Romper, Reddit,