The term rainbow baby has skyrocketed in popularity in recent years. It’s a phrase used to describe the birth of a child after a miscarriage, stillbirth, or death of an infant.
Many parents find comfort in the term. The new baby is symbolic of a rainbow that appears after a dark, stormy time. The term originated in grief support groups but is now used in pregnancy announcements when revealing that a new baby is on the way after suffering a loss.
However, not everyone is a fan of the term. There are a number of ways in which the term is problematic, which has led some mothers to challenge the term or even feel offended if another person describes their child as a rainbow baby. Here's why the use of the phrase rainbow baby is controversial.
The Term Sets Unrealistic Expectations
Rainbow babies are supposed to represent hope after a loss, but some parents feel the term can set unrealistic expectations that can exacerbate future pain and loss.
For example, on the blog Hope Mommies, Sam explains that she first felt emotionally attached to the idea of a rainbow baby after having a miscarriage. She eventually gave birth to a rainbow baby, Max, but was devastated when he passed away only six months after birth.
Sam explains that the idea of a rainbow implies hope after the storm. But it’s unrealistic to expect that your next pregnancy won’t be without challenges or loss. While no one wants to expect that, you also don’t want any pain or grief to be exacerbated because you believe a rainbow baby would be all celebrations.
Do All Babies After A Loss Count As Rainbows?
Some people also struggle to define exactly what counts as a rainbow baby. If you’ve suffered a miscarriage or stillbirth, does that mean every baby born after is a rainbow baby? What about babies that are born after a first rainbow baby?
The term can feel complicated and triggering if you lose a rainbow pregnancy. You may be elated to be expecting again after a loss, with the expectation that soon you’ll hold your rainbow baby. But if you lose the baby, does it still count as a rainbow?
Ultimately, what counts as a rainbow pregnancy or baby may be up to the parent. But it can become uncomfortable if someone challenges you on your self-definition, and may make you doubt the importance of a term that you once felt so emotionally attached to.
It Puts A Burden On Your Child
Finally, some people dislike the term rainbow baby because of the burden it places on the child that’s been dubbed a rainbow. On a Reddit thread explaining why the term rainbow baby is “horrible,” one mother says she hates it because it implies the rainbow baby only exists to replace the original child that was lost.
This can lead to an identity crisis. If your child grows up with the emphasis that they’re a rainbow baby, they may question if they’d be wanted or even exist had the first pregnancy not resulted in a loss. While you may not feel as though your rainbow baby is a replacement, using the term can plant that idea in the child’s head.
The decision to use the term rainbow baby is very personal, and you shouldn’t necessarily feel conflicted if you’ve found solace in the term. Do what’s right for you.
Sources: Hope Mommies, Reddit, TODAY,