Trigger Warning: This story talks about miscarriage.
An expecting couple was planning matching tattoos to honor their first-born child, but things got tense when the wife wanted to get another in memory of a miscarried baby causing a debate between the soon-to-be mother and father.
In a Reddit post in r/AmITheA**Hole — a group where members share stories for the community to on vote who is wrong — u/aitatattooqthrowaway writes that both he and his wife planned to get the names and birthdate of their incoming baby tattooed on their bodies, but when planning the ink, his wife said she wanted to get the name of her miscarried baby along with the date of the miscarriage above the name of their child. The miscarriage occurred six years ago and happened before the couple was together. He says both his wife and her ex consider the miscarried baby as their first child. While he accepts her view, he didn't feel comfortable with her getting the tattoo and decided to tell her.
"I’m not trying to be the guy who's upset because his wife had a life before him, but I feel weird about her putting the name her and her ex gave the miscarried child on the same level as our child, in a tattoo," writes u/aitatattooqthrowaway in a post we edited. "I told her that and she got kind of mad and upset at me. I know she thinks of the miscarried child as much her child as ours, but to me, it’s different because that child never lived, and our kid won’t ever meet that kid."
He backtracks slightly here, saying that he doesn't mind his wife getting other tattoos honoring her miscarried baby, however, getting something so similar to the tattoo she will get for her baby that is on the way makes him uncomfortable. Still, he says since it's her body, she can do what she wants, but he feels like she hasn't been able to move on.
The group voted and determined he's a jerk in this situation, though it wasn't unanimous. Those who vote against him say that just because she lost her child doesn't mean she didn't feel a connection before they were born. Others suggested that he's being selfish only because he believes the child he's anticipating should take precedence over the unborn one because one is biologically his. On the other hand, one woman who says she's experienced both a miscarriage and a birth say that both are processed differently.