One family's change in financial situation has caused a stepmom to wonder if she can ask her husband to hold back how much extra he gives his ex, the mother of his child.
In the subreddit, r/AmITheA**Hole, u/pinkstrawberrii says that his husband and his ex had a baby when he was 19. Even at a young age, however, he felt he was ready to take on the responsibility, but eventually their relationship ended. The two split custody, with the child spending two nights a week with the dad, though that fluctuates from time to time. Still, he would pay child support and even give his ex money a little extra when she needs it.
Later, the dad married, and whenever the mother needed money for cigarettes, or a gym membership (which she purchased so she can go with her son), he is happy to spare $20 or $40. But when he found himself out of work at the age of 34, the mom still asked for extra cash. Now, the stepmother wants to intervene.
"I’m the only one with a job at the moment. We have deep savings, and my husband is still paying his ex with that money," writes the stepmom (in a post we edited for grammatical purposes). "She is continuing to ask for extra and I want to ask my husband to stop giving her an extra $40 here and there because those are our savings that need to be spent on either myself, my husband, stepson, or the house."
She says that his response is helping his ex makes life for his 14-year-old son better. The Redditor's response though, is that giving his son's mother extra money out of their savings is a little much.
While u/pinkstrawberrii's stance is a little strong, the Redditors sided with her. They decided she's not the a-hole, saying the change in finances is more than enough of a reason to tone back the extra cash. Some suggested that maybe the user and her husband should sit the mother down and discuss how, at least until the father starts working again, he can't give any more than the base child support payments.
Overall, it's not an easy situation to be in. As a stepmother, there are certain discussions that are awkward to have — especially when it has something to do with a child's upbringing. Hopefully, the three can have a level headed discussion and work out how the mother can handle her money until the father gets back on his feet.